tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57686641535124736412024-02-06T21:36:55.319-08:00Bionically YoursBorn with a profound hearing loss, diagnosed at six months old, and implanted in my left ear with Advanced Bionics' Harmony at 19 years old.
The CI brings sound to everything in life. :]*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-35936013604972707952013-03-27T01:26:00.002-07:002013-03-27T01:43:50.449-07:00Different LivesSomeone who lost their hearing late in life once remarked of me, "She's luckier than me because she never knew what it was to hear."<br />
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Let me tell you what I think of this:<br />
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One of my earliest memories is at 2 when my dear grandfather was playing with me but I didn't understand a single word he was saying to me....except I DID get when he slowly articulated, "Tasha, you need to learn to read lips."<br />
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From that moment forward, I started studying people's lips consciously, matching my mother's signs to her lips. I never could lipread my grandpa though, the very one who set the wheels in motion for me learning a very valuable skill.<br />
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A valuable skill indeed, but one that will always be tested by curious people asking, "Can you lipread?" and then upon saying yes, they throw some random phrase at you like, "The orange cow likes to eat fries." Then when you fail to understand, assume you CAN'T really lipread, forcing you to go into the millionth explanation of how lipreading REALLY works. (A lot of context, knowing the person's way of speaking, and so forth.)<br />
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Or how about the sweet sadness in sitting around the Thanksgiving table, as your mother's plate sits full of food, because for her to eat would mean she stops interpreting everything and you stop understanding what people are talking about. So when she does take a break to eat, she apologizes to you, or she finishes her now-cold plate after everyone else has finished.<br />
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Growing up knowing that, unless you are with Deaf or fluent signers, you will drown in a sea of words when you are with more than 2 people at once. You will drown, with a smile on your face, laughing when others laugh, despite not knowing the punch line....or even what the joke was.<br />
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This "faking" is extended to others too. You understand you are not an inconvenience but you feel this way, when you sign something to your father and he nods with the all-familiar expression on his face: "I love you but I have no clue what you just said so I'm going to nod." To this day, the best conversations my father and I have had have been over texts or emails. Hearts poured out in words, almost-but-not-quite transcending the communication gap that exists in person.<br />
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Try this on for size- not knowing if you had a genetic mutation that would slowly render your precious sight to nothing- until the age of 19, when you decided to march down to the hospital and demand genetic testing. Genetic testing that, at first, was deemed "unnecessary." Is it not necessary to know if the sense that holds you solidly to others will one day disappear?<br />
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I still remember the nights I would cuddle with my mother in bed and we would take turns writing giant letters forming words on each other's backs and use tactile sign language. Her pretense? It was a game. The reality? She feared me being unprepared for the blindness doctors had warned was imminent.<br />
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Still to this day, at times, I get strange looks from people when I hand over my phone for them to read because I cannot speak for myself well enough yet. Most of the time, people realize that I am a capable person who just communicates differently. Other times though, people stick to their assumption that "Deaf people don't know English well" or "If someone doesn't speak, that suggests something about their intelligence."<br />
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Despite all that though, I STILL would not presume that my life was harder than this person's or anyone else's, for that matter. True, I do not know the sadness of losing something "you never had to begin with," but I also do not know the sadness of growing up in a family where nobody knows any sign. Or the sadness of having cancer, or any of many other conditions humans face.<br />
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There are many things I do not know, just this one: We can never compare our lives to any other person's.<br />
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All we can do is remember what Plato said, "Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."<br />
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EVERYONE.<br />
<br />*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-18518680531079832062012-05-16T23:08:00.003-07:002012-05-16T23:08:16.671-07:00An Update? It's been way too long since I wrote & could I go back and change that, I would!<br />
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I know all of you are wondering: So how is she doing?<br />
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To be totally honest, I'll say that the cochlear implant isn't all that I had hoped for- that is, a perfect "fix." Some days I wonder if it would be easier if I didn't know there were people talking, or hear that trite announcement on a store's PA, or know that my roommates are chatting just outside my door.... because I come so close yet so tantalizingly far from being fully present in that world.<br />
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It is partly this: I do not practice enough and I acknowledge that freely. With even just a little practice though, I see improvement, but it has to be a constant in your life. Every little bit helps.<br />
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It is also very much this: I got the cochlear implant relatively "old"-- I do not doubt that if I had gotten it younger, I'd be in a different position than I am today.<br />
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Nevertheless- despite the fact I do not always get what people are saying, and distant speakers---well, forget that- not because I can't hear, but because I don't understand.-- the cochlear implant remains one of the best things I've done in my life. (Potentially THE single best thing.)<br />
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<br />*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-66699399039591782592009-10-26T21:01:00.000-07:002009-10-26T21:21:13.548-07:00Juxtaposition of Teaching SignSo, <div><br /></div><div>I often teach sign & seek out opportunities to do so. I just got back from teaching a fun group of RAs (resident assistants) sign at one of the UW dorms. </div><div><br /></div><div>As always, I provided some quick background information & an explanation of the difference between ASL, English, and PSE (pidgeon) sign as to clue the learners in on that while *I* personally may sign "How <i>are</i> you?", that this is not uniform for ASL. An ASL user would simply sign, "How you?"</div><div><br /></div><div>I found myself this time, acutely conscious, of how I kept showing BOTH the ASL and English signs. Really, it is better people are educated that the way *I* sign is not the only way and most importantly: ASL is a separate language that has its own grammar structure. It is not just a way to "represent" English although that is the way I choose to use it. If they were to encounter a Deaf person, I want people to walk away knowing that the Deaf person is not "stupid" or "illiterate" when they may write in ASL or "drop" the "is" from "My name is."</div><div><br /></div><div>They are not even dropping the "is." They are signing THEIR language properly. </div><div><br /></div><div>Something I've mentioned before is how I tried (and still try, I'll admit) to distance myself from the Deaf culture because of the lack of understanding that Deaf people have their own culture/customs which may come across as ignorance or even apathy to those unaware of it. It is not always a conscious decision and the older I get, the more I understand how "terrible" this choice sounds.</div><div><br /></div><div>Some Deaf would say it's not their fault, that the hearing need to become educated. But as always, the perennial question here is: How do people get educated when they're UNAWARE they need to be? Of course, the Deaf are the ones who need to educate. Sometimes, this position gets old. </div><div><br /></div><div>Some hearing would say the Deaf need to learn English (structure), after all, the predominant language is English. But would that solve the misunderstandings that may occur when (any) two cultures interact? I don't think so.</div><div><br /></div><div>So I try to do my small part in the world to further understanding. The thing is, though? I'll let you in on a secret. </div><div><br /></div><div><i>I enjoy it</i>. I really, truly do. I love seeing people learn to communicate in another way. I love people's minds being expanded. I love being in front of crowds. It is a privilege for me. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'll probably keep English and ASL in a juxtaposition when I teach. I feel I can't rightfully teach JUST one. It is a bit conflicting; these two modes, yet I find people are flexible enough & understand. So, I'll show you how to sign "How are you?" but I will also show "How you?"</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-36864317410424991412009-02-24T19:30:00.001-08:002009-02-24T20:09:55.603-08:00Inside my veins runs information, therein lies an explanation...<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">So... </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">It's been WAY too long!! Sorry, but again, I certainly don't lack anything to write about. I will be putting up posts from Dec-Feb, but will also be updating... no worries, loves! I guess it's just when I think about how long it's been... really, it doesn't make sense so I won't attempt to explain.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">December 17th saw me marching into the University of Washington hospital, to get a blood test I had requested. </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">One that would, hopefully, reveal just why it is that my ears refuse to yield any noise to me, and remain blissfully unactivated... unlike my wonderful implant. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">I waited.... I waited.... </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">And waited some more.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">Frustration ensured. Then I finally had the sense to just sort of forget about it. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">Despite the fact I was anxiously excited.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">Part of it was that I hoped, with this diagnosis, I could effectively have a REASON for my deafness. But what really prompted me initially? My fear of going blind. Yes, a somewhat irrational fear to some of you, perhaps. The more I thought about it though.... the nagging question of </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">"What if?" </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">haunted me.<br /><br />As a child, my parents were told of the dismal possibility of their firstborn child, already deaf, perhaps one day becoming blind. At nighttime, my mother would spell out letters in my hand in the dark, under the guise of it being a fun game. It was with that sudden memory that I, biting my lip, decided I HAD to know why I was deaf.<br /><br />With deafness, also usually comes a degree of visual impairment if you have one of various syndromes. It was the thought of that hidden monster, waiting to pop out from under the bridge.<br /><br />Medical folks are at this point, long accepting of the fact I am deaf. They no longer ask why. I wanted that "Why."<br /><br />I finally got the answer.<br /><br />After repeated calls, and me INSISTING on an answer when I was told they finally had one, on the almost last day of January, just when the month was drawing to a tired close, and asking them to have the surgeon email me the answer....<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">I laid down on the plush worn-out couch in an old dorm of mine, and FELT almost certain in a instinctual sense, that I knew the final result already, as though it being etched in my DNA entitled my body to sort of an intrinsic knowledge.</span><br /><br />My phone vibrated, stirring me out of my half-asleep stupor. "Jay Rubenstein" was the sender.<br /><br /></span>On Fri, 30 Jan 2009 10:33 am, jay rubinstein wrote:<br />the test is positive for you having a genetic hearing loss<br /><br />it would be worthwhile for you to come see me at some point to discuss the implications of this in the future<br /><br />the questions you may have are likely too complex to discuss by email<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">I quickly typed back, "which connexin gene was it?"<br /><br />-"</span>GJB-2."<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">I found out later, through Dr. Google, that this gene is located on Chromosome 13*. This is the same gene that goes awry in Down Syndrome children, causes the characteristic whiteness in people with Waardenburg, and finally.... "nonsyndromic deafness." </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">And there we go.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">While we are at it, I 110% recommend that you get tested for this if you are deaf and don't know why, or have deaf relatives! Even if you think they've run every test possible on you, get this test done because apparently, this was not run on me in 1989. Perhaps it was not around then. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">It does have implications, which I will cover in my next post, including having deaf children, because it is GENETIC. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">My reaction? To come soon! That is definitely a whole another post in itself....</span> But think about this. I am 19 years old. Ever since I was diagnosed at six months old, with profound deafness, nobody has had an answer. The best given us was simply "it's probably genetic."<br /><br />*Source: http://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/gene=gjb2*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-14005340643835146292008-12-04T20:04:00.000-08:002008-12-04T22:52:57.721-08:00Advantages of Speaking: Not Audist?<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Regarding the perhaps post. I want to thank everyone for their encouraging words and also to those who expressed their opinions. I'm not sure if you'll come back here to see what I have to say, since you're anonymous and may have just stopped by and been spooked away by my last post. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Let me speak to you all here: I don't try to promote one lifestyle over another. I have met so many different people who are happy the way they are, however different or similar their life is to mine.<br /><br />I do acknowledge the glaringly obvious fact that some lifestyles are easier than others. If you can speak clearly, you are in the majority. But you are also in the privileged. You live easier as a result of that. And the comments I may have made about it being SO much better to be able to communicate with everyone around you- well. I don't feel it's audist. I feel it's common sense. Those people can learn both sign and English and whatever other language they want to.<br /><br />I'm not saying Deaf can't learn other languages. I personally used to know Latin, Spanish, and French. But I don't speak it. I read and write those languages. What I am saying is it's easier if you can speak.<br /></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">As I get older, I find it increasingly harder to find my way around in a world that is supposed to be so open to me and which I find increasingly shuts me out and not even on purpose. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">I can't go to a drive-through without getting a glare because I've driven past the speaker box, and I get to the window and their faces melt into sympathy when they realize they've misjudged me. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">I can't walk down a hill in the dark with a group of laughing friends and join in their conversation efficiently because lipreading is never 100% accurate or reachable. </span><br /><br />Even if they were a group of deaf friends or friends who signed, it still does NOT CHANGE ANYTHING. It just changes who my friends are and how it may mean they're more considerate and/or patient or quicker learners of sign than most others are.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">There are so many things I can't do, and I'm not content to just accept them for what they are. I'm not content to go to a culture that (while wonderful in its own ways) STILL doesn't solve my problems with 99.9% of the world. </span>I know that if I'm not happy with something then I have to either a) accept it or b) try my hardest to change it in some way. I HAVE tried to accept it but the reality is that I can't imagine going on for 70 or more years disconnected, using paper and pen and an interpreter (not just in school) perpetually. I have to try and CHANGE my life however I can because here's a fact:<br /><br />I can't change 99.9% of the world. But I can change how I respond to things. And I have. I've used my phone to talk to people more times than I can count and people are often impressed at how fast I type on the phone now. I use paper/pen. But this still doesn't integrate me into the conversations I so long to be involved in. Whipping out your phone to ask a simple, "How are you" to somebody in an elevator who will then look at you for a cue as on how to respond because of course, you aren't talking so they wonder "How do I talk to this person?", takes longer than the actual elevator ride and takes more guts to do than just verbally saying, "How are you?" with a friendly smile and having them say it back to you.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Even as a child I knew there was NO way I could fix my separateness from the world. At the young age of six, I felt the stinging damage. I believe I felt it younger. Not because I was raised in a hearing family. They signed and truly did their best to include me. Not because I was told I was "inferior." In fact, I went to a school where deaf culture was celebrated and seen to be unique. Nothing or nobody made me feel this way. It was just the sum of my experiences and continues to be. As Helen Keller, someone who overcame most amazing odds in a time that was more than willing to put away someone like her in an institute without ever educating her, said in a letter to someone, </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">"The problems of deafness are deeper and more complex, if not more important, than those of blindness. Deafness is a much worse misfortune. For it means the loss of the most vital stimulus--the sound of the voice that brings language, sets thoughts astir and keeps us in the intellectual company of man."<br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">In other words:</span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"> </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">"Blindness separates you from things, deafness separates you from people."</span><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span><br />I long to be INVOLVED. I long to not have to depend on my fluent 15 year old "hearing" sister to voice for me on holidays or with people who don't know sign.<br /><br />I feel I may be able to learn to speak well enough someday that I may be able to go up to my favorite burger joint and say, "I want a deluxe, with fries" without any awkward hesitance on either my or the cashier's part. And that is when I will feel like I most fit in- when I can look at that person on the elevator and say "second floor, please" without awkwardly reaching across them or showing them two fingers.<br /><br />And for that, I would give almost anything.<span style="font-style: italic;"> </span>I think anyone could relate to wanting to be involved with their own world and being frustrated when you're a 19 year old who has to have people voice for her constantly and they're constantly getting it wrong and making you sound like a different person than you are.<span style="font-style: italic;"> Your world isn't deaf or hearing or confined to just your closest friends. It's EVERYONE you encounter everyday.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span>*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-40561355859493371522008-11-19T10:55:00.000-08:002008-12-04T20:41:10.797-08:00Perhaps I need to just cryPerhaps I need to just let it all out<br />Perhaps I need to go for a good long walk<br />Perhaps I need to take time for myself- more than the small snatches I don't feel belong to me, because I am always supposed to do something else.<br />Perhaps I need to take a break?<br />Perhaps I can do it, indeed, I know I can.<br />Perhaps I need to stop thinking some people are looking at me oddly when I can't be voiced for correctly or when I can't catch what they're saying fast enough<br />Perhaps I need to believe in myself more<br />Perhaps I need to believe in myself less? (As not to get my hopes up)<br />Perhaps I need some perspective-<br /><br />Actually I know I do but where from? I'm one of those people who, with a moment of eyes-closed, "let it all in," can almost successfully leave my current train of thought and take an outsider view of my current situation. I know I shouldn't be so dramatic but at the same time I know others would go mad- ABSOLUTELY MAD- if they had to communicate without voice for half a day let less 19 years.<br /><br />Perhaps I need to just shape up<br />Perhaps I shouldn't post this- it's not as eloquent and just sounds whiny.<br /><br />What AM I saying here? Oooo, existential crisis?<br /><br />I want to put my life on hold, step out of it, and devote a month or two to intensive studying for my implant. And to draw, write, and finally get that website up. Not just for myself but for the people I hope to help with it as well.<br /><br />I want to take what they called a "sabbatical" ... what I am doing right now is NOT working.<br /><br />Don't worry, I'm not as ... whatever I sound right now. I'm just walking around outside of the Hearing clinic, waiting for my appointment at 11:30.<br /><br />After a morning in which I felt like things were definitely not working with the interpreters in class. Not because they don't do well- they do. But because it isn't the right option for me.<br /><br />I never want to depend on sign, as far as I'm concerned. I want to meet with Thom again and speak to him- REALLY speak, instead of having to ask my wonderful, brilliant boyfriend to translate.<br /><br />I want to be able to do this with everyone I meet, because most people I know don't sign or don't sign that well.<br /><br />Yet, I know I'm really blessed. I have a great group of friends, both online and in person. I have the CI- I have the help I'm getting for it. I even have UW resources.<br /><br />Perhaps......perhaps, what?<br /><br />I'll probably go back and erase this before anyone gets to see it. But I'm posting it right now because I don't trust my phone to successfully save it without erasing it, except if I actually press the "Post" button which posts it to the web.*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-6281166121051177782008-11-04T07:18:00.001-08:002008-11-04T19:41:42.407-08:00Election Day 2008!<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">A historical moment has been upon us for this past year and even longer before that, before I even knew who McCain or Obama was. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">And finally, it is here. Election Day!! </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">So. Let's look at some of the important issues and interesting considerations the next president of America will take on his plate: </span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">140,000 American troops are in Iraq</span>.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">10</span>- More than 10% (to be exact, 15%) of Americans are uninsured medically</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">9</span>0 guns per 100 people in the U.S- the most armed country in the world</span> <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUSL2834893820070828">(Reuters news)</a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">8</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">.5 million barrels of oil produced per day in U.S (we use 20.7 million a day)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">7</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">0% of 8th graders can't read at grade level</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">6</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"> wars going on around the world currently (Yes, I'm surprised it's "only" six too)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">5</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">50,000-650,000 illegal immigrants in New York alone, not counting other states</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">4</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">85,000,000,000 federal budget deficit</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">3</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"> million pregnancies a year are unintended- out of those, 1.3 million pregnancies are ended</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">2</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"> states out of 50 that allow same-sex marriage (California & Massachusetts)</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">1</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"> nation (as divided as it may feel right now between the two parties, we ARE one nation)</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">I have to admit that I am glad to live in the U.S, even despite the fact America has become increasingly unpopular over the last few years, despite the fact I have been sickened to hear the wild rumors slung from both sides of the fence that cost both candidates some validity in my mind, despite the fact we have a lot of problems right now, and despite the fact that I am very much an "independent" or "liberal" which leads me to feel that the party system doesn't work very well. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">But it is precisely because of the overused concept of "freedom" that I am able to have an opinion- to uphold my main mindset of true equality and freedom- that we, as people (not just as Americans), should be allowed to live our lives in the fullest way possible. I believe the government should not interfere much with people's lives, but rather that "the people" should take it upon themselves to see why they should care and get involved with their community. Idealistic, I know. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">In other countries, I might be told to keep my yap to myself. Here, I am allowed to actually try to make a difference. I don't know as much about other countries as I'd like, but thanks to the program at school I am in, I have heard first-hand accounts from people I am glad to call friends - an opinionated outgoing white woman who came from South Africa, a bold and funny Aussie, and a sweet intelligent girl whose parents immigrated from Iran.<br /><br />The others in my program, though they may "just" be Americans, still continue to offer new perspectives to me in addition to the ones who can offer a look beyond America's borders. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">And what a look it is. I have been forced to explore issues that most people would rather ignore but I have learned so much about the differences of people, yet I have seen how very similar people are, as cliche as that sounds. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">I am proud that this is the first presidential election I am able to vote in and that so many of my other peers are taking it upon themselves to learn about what candidates support what issues and to get out there and actually get involved. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">Okay, you may not like any of the candidates but you can't deny that today is a historic day and that maybe, just maybe, the next four years will be good for America.<br /><br />It's interesting because I have always hated the word "disability"- I still do. I don't think it's a good word to use because it has negative connotations at times. Yet, in the past few years, disability rights and issues have gotten more focus than usual. This is great! My youngest brother is Autistic. I capitalize this word because it seems like it should be. He is a magnificent singer, an adorable boy, a good reader, and many years ago, it would have been common advice to put him into an institute. It would have been common advice to put me into one too, because of my deafness.<br /><br />How far we all have come, as a nation that promotes equality and access.<br /><br />So, when I thought of the issues that hit closest to home for me, I immediately thought "disability rights." Where do the candidates stand on bilateral implants, which some of the amazing bloggers, like <a href="http://stereophonicbionic.blogspot.com/">Jennifer</a> and <a href="http://fivestringguitar.blogspot.com/">David</a>, struggled for so long to get approved for? Where do they stand on captioning more things? What about education for "special-needs"? Unfortunately, they aren't asked those very specific questions. But we can look at where they stand on health care, social security, or education, and gather a probable idea of how it will affect closely-tied things.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">I want the future generation, some of whom may end up with autistic brothers too, or deaf, or blind, or with ADHD, to not have to struggle as hard as some of us have needed to. I was fortunate to have the state pay completely for my implant surgery, which was approved within weeks. Others wait months and even years </span><a style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);" href="http://jenniferbrunoconde.blogspot.com/">(Jennifer and Amanda Conde) </a><br /><a href="http://jenniferbrunoconde.blogspot.com/"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"></span></a><br />I believe though, that change in those areas will mainly happen thanks to the perseverance of "local" people, not the big shots up in D.C. We will see better laws being made to protect, to bring access, to fund better, and whatever else is sorely lacking right now. It may not happen as soon as we hope. My mother had to continually advocate for me for years, to get interpreters and to mainstream me before it was common to do so.<br /><br />Today, I will say that yes, I have a "disability". But I live in a country that allows so much free speech that we can push for laws and new policies, for ourselves, each other, and people who haven't even come yet.<br /><br />As flawed as America is, I still have hope.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">So, go out there and vote!!!! </span></span>*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-51259579477057237172008-11-03T03:33:00.000-08:002008-11-04T19:41:42.410-08:00Is it a matter of BEATING machine (in which case it is impossible)? Or beating my brain (in which case, my brain just has to learn)?<br /><br />I am so frustrated with the pitch test right now.<br /><br />I want to be the best and I won't settle for less.<br /><br />Hearing aid can hit "normal" for the pitch, alone. Implant hits the pitch deficit. It can't even get to low-normal.... with them combined, my brain is confused. It does well but not great.<br /><br />I sit with laptop on lap, homework laying beside me undone, obsessively taking the pitch test, over and over. I close my eyes when I have to, because while I hear the pitches loud and clear, I can't place which is higher or lower for some of them. Then I realize, I've pressed the spacebar to repeat perhaps a little too much in my strained effort to distinguish which is which. So I go with my instinct.<br /><br />I let the silence fall like waves back to the sea, because I suspect the electrodes in my brain aren't firing FAST enough to jump from the previous pair to the next. Then I hit the spacebar. Usually, it's clearer when I've had a second of silence to let my brain wipe the slate clean.<br /><br />I WILL get this.*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-69321197973985240382008-10-05T23:22:00.000-07:002008-11-04T19:41:42.412-08:00QuestionHas anyone experienced this? I've been out of batteries for my right ear (hearing aid) for about two weeks now, so I've been using only the implant.<br /><br />But, when I listen to music.... like for example, I was listening to Oasis' Wonderwall just to listen to it and it suddenly seemed like I COULD hear in my right ear. Not like I was actually picking up sound... but as though that side was picking up or filling in the space.... almost like a "phantom" ear. I don't mean tinnitus or anything.<br /><br />Right now, I lack the ability to explain this. Maybe one of you will know what I mean?<br /><br />:)*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-78562015615574878342008-09-28T02:00:00.000-07:002008-11-04T19:41:42.416-08:00Returning to School Part 1: Cued Speech & Accurate Sound Representation<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">So, while I wear my implant all the time, <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">I hear but not HEAR</span>- I only truly understand the environmental noises. And while that is wildly useful (Some noises I've noticed in this past month: oven timer beeping, the door opening signaling the arrival of someone, being able to follow voices in my class discussion) I want MORE. </span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">Classes loomed over me and with it, a certain sadness. It had everything to do with the monotonous repetition of sameness in how I process information. That is to say, I use sign language interpreters. I wanted it to be different yet I had known it wouldn't be this quarter. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">I had a CART transcriber for my first two classes of chemistry. CART stands for Communication Access Realtime Translation. Basically, someone sits next to me with a special typewriter that is connected to a small laptop, and allows them to type down everything that's being said. It was very fascinating to see it in practice since she did indeed capture EVERYTHING that was being said by the professor (although not actually in realtime, more like a 7 second lag) It felt like the human dimension was being taken away although I loved the direct verbatim style, because I am wildly fond of reading and absorb well that way. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">So, she asked if I liked it and said she'd love to transcribe for me the rest of the quarter. I replied that I liked it. I didn't say anything about her transcribing, though. I wish I could have both- the human interaction and the amazing accuracy without the paraphasing that can sometimes occur with interpreters. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">An idea began simmering at the edge of my mind....</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"> Since I can access the SOUNDS of language with my implant, why should I have to watch sign language interpreters if there's OTHER interpreters out there who can represent what I'm hearing more accurately?</span> <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">With sign language there's a slight lag as well as the problematic tendency of people using words that aren't present in sign language, so they get converted to their simplistic versions. The only example I can think of doesn't have to do with vocabulary but rather with English cliches, but I hope you will get the idea. If someone were to say the phrase, "elbow grease" it'd get signed as "hard work." </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">There is a way to match up signs with sounds other than SEE (Signing Exact English). It's called cued speech. Cued speech is the use of 8 handshapes to represent consonant sounds and 4 handshapes to represent vowels. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">It's not a language, but rather a way of representing what's already there. Cued speech is universal, which also came of great interest to me. You can cue in Spanish, even cue a Southern dialect with accurate representation.<br /><br />I started researching with a zest and emailing people. I asked my school if it was possible to get a cued speech interpreter. The response was:<br /><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;">"There is *one* </span><span class="nfakPe" style="font-style: italic;">cued</span><span style="font-style: italic;"> speech interpreter in Washington State (that I know of). She lives in the Seattle area. We might be able to get her for future quarters.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">This is something you'd want to discuss with us though."<br /></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">I thought, "</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">Hmm... so I WOULD be able to </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">get a cued speech transliterator if I wanted to. Let's go ahead and learn it then!"<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">How does this apply to those of you with cochlear implants? <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">Well, it can help with better lipreading, more accurate matching-up of sounds with words and maintain or improve speech. For me, I wish 110% to learn speech better so I can communicate easier with others. I also really want to redirect my brain to the IMPLANT, the auditory part of things instead of the visual. I found a site </span></span></span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"><span style="font-style: italic;">at <a href="http://www.blogger.com/www.cuedspeech.com">http://www.blogger.com/www.cuedspeech.com</a></span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/www.cuedspeech.com"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span></a>that said:<br /></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"></span><p><strong>Speech</strong><br /><span class="eventdetails">If development of speech is desired, Cued Speech can support speech and articulation skills by:</span></p><ul><li>focusing attention on the mouth </li><li>reinforcing the pattern of phonemes within a word or phrase</li><li>identifying the speech sound(s) and syllables being targeted</li><li>being a motoric reminder and trigger of speech production </li><li>integrating sound, sight, and motor aspects to make learning more fun!</li></ul><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">So, knowing that HSDC teaches cued speech to infants, I emailed them asking about if they knew where I could learn. Turns out they have an upcoming workshop for cued speech October 17 and 18th!! Both are all day but only $10 for me. Such a good deal because I know there are people who are professionals who will have to pay $120 for the same workshop. I'm going for sure. It will be easier learning from someone instead of going through it myself in a disorganized manner.<br />I worry, What if I am really terrible at cueing? What if I can't remember any of it? What if I fall in love with cueing? Even, what if I don't and this means I've exhausted all the possible options for language out there? Will it be hard to teach people close to me cued speech?<br /><br />Those things don't matter yet and I know that. But I'm REALLY hoping I won't be bad at cueing and it'll be relatively easy to learn, needless to say!<br /><br />The downfall is that there are not many cuers in this area. Cueing is actually practically unheard of around here. I was surprised to find that my mom, who works with deaf people, hadn't heard of cued speech.<br /><br />I look forward to coming back and discussing how the workshop went, if it helps my speech in the long run, and seeing if I end up using cued speech in the future for classes or even for daily interaction!!<br /><br />In the meantime, here is more information on cued speech. I encourage you to leave comments & thoughts.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"><a href="http://www.cuedspeech.org/sub/cued/myths_facts.asp">Cued Speech Association Information Page</a><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plPw4H-ZsMg">Short 10 Minute Film (With sign language interpretation, captions, and spoken English)</a><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"></span>*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-19411158738420212372008-09-27T05:14:00.000-07:002008-11-04T19:41:42.420-08:00CPR Class<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link rel="File-List" 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mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:times new roman;"><span class="text-bold"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">I got my CPR & First Aid certificate today! I'm glad. The class was a bit annoying though, since it could have been compressed into 3 hours instead of the 9 hours it took! I finally just said, "Can I just take the test? I know this material already and don't want to review it." So they let me leave 45 minutes early and take the test but then I had to stay and wait! I wished I had just asked about taking it early earlier than I did! I got 100% though on both the written and the CPR skills test so I was really excited because it helped to know I CAN help someone if they ever need it.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="text-bold" style="font-family:times new roman;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">This was something I wrote on my phone during a break.</span></span><span class="text-bold">
<br /></span></p><p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal"><span class="text-bold">We speak in nuances buried upon nuances. We never say something simply even if we believe we just said a simple statement.
<br /></span></p><p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNormal"><span class="text-bold">We laughingly say, "You got me." Or we say with a note of awe, eyebrows raised slightly, "The sunset was beautiful." Rarely do we say something without at least betraying our emotions.
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="text-bold"><span style="font-style: italic;">Yesterday, I was told I had an expressive face by a classmate. I didn't think that I did but I guess I do? And apparently, it helps classmates understand what my "verbal" tone is when the interpreters don't get it through aptly enough at times (even though their voice-interpreting may have been 100% correct.) How much do I betray that I am unaware of? </span>
<br /></span></p><p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255); font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">The class was held at the Hearing, Speech, and Deafness Center (HSDC) in Seattle. This was also where I went to the program PIP (parent-infant-program) with my parents as a baby. I mentioned that to someone who worked there (Karen?) and she gasped. She then excitedly led me through the remodeled building to a room I had a sensation of familiarity in. On the walls hung pictures and one of the pictures showed the 1989 PIP people. There I was, sitting on my father's lap. I was surprised to see they STILL had pictures from 19 years ago. Karen asked me if we could talk later, since she was interested in finding out what happened to the kids from PIP for follow-up studies. I asked how many children in the PIP program had cochlear implants or if those kids went to Children's for therapy and as a result didn't go to PIP. She said two children in the program had implants but were learning ASL (PIP teaches people ASL and assists with early-intervention). The rest weren't implanted. Cued speech (a system of representing a language's sounds/phonemes visually) was also occasionally taught there in addition to the various types of sign.
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:georgia;" >This struck a cord in me, thinking of children who could be speaking and being able to keep up with friends in groups in the future, who weren't. So later, I called the center and acquired the phone number and email of the director of PIP. I emailed her asking if I could speak to the parents there about my experiences growing up deaf, things that helped me, and my opinion of having a cochlear implant. I REALLY hope they allow me to speak there and this is definitely something I will pursue because I feel it is SO essential that those parents get all possible perspectives and understand how much a cochlear implant does but also how sign language is beneficial. I do understand it's a sticky situation because there is a lot of controversy and the fact these parents are already in PIP kind of suggests the route they're considering. I don't claim to know all the answers nor would I presume to, but I really think cochlear implants are THE way to fully ensure your child is involved in the world around them. </span>
<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:times new roman;" ></span></p>*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-37676063393820431482008-09-24T17:00:00.000-07:002008-11-04T19:41:19.168-08:00Cochlear Implants & Deaf Culture<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">How hectic it's been lately! School started today. I found that while I know where all the buildings are now and can even direct someone to a building easily, managing my time isn't quite as easy. </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">Sigh. </span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"><br />I know someone who is getting their wisdom teeth out and that person was talking about how they were afraid. I sympathetized but felt bad for the immediate reaction I had in my mind which was this:<br /><br />Afraid of a simple dental procedure? That is NOTHING compared to consenting to getting your head drilled into, for an implant you hope you'll like but which you really have little clue as to what to expect and where you received 10 stitches and two permanent bumps on your head.<br /><br />I find that after receiving the CI, I am less worried about other procedures that I or others might have done to us. I also find that the CI has empowered me in other odd ways. I'm more confident about my choice to make decisions because I made what is one of the biggest decisions of my life and I haven't regretted it for a single moment. Some people thought I would but I haven't. Like I say,<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"> "The only thing I regret is not having done it sooner."<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">I was texting with Tess, who I've known since I was 6 months old and who is profoundly deaf. She uses interpreters in school when she goes to school. She said, "I still can't believe you got an implant. I wouldn't have!"<br /><br />I really can't relate to that sentiment at all, which simultaneously saddened and excited me. Saddened because it is yet another distinction of how I am far removed from the "deaf culture" and excited because I really am that much different than the usual "mindset." I don't mean this in a bad way at all. I am an advocate of sign language (for babies as well!) but I am not an advocate of it when it is used alone.<br /><br />Many deaf people seem more receptive to the CI than in the 90s. When I tell a Deaf person I have an implant, they immediately ask, "Does it work?" then "Doesn't the constant sound drive you crazy?"<br /><br />Then of course I get high-spirited and tell them of how much the CI has changed my life and how happy I am I have it. Then the usual reaction I get is one of interested listening and then a statement of how it wouldn't benefit them but it's good I like it. At least they aren't shutting me out. I just constantly wonder, "Do I REALLY think that differently? Why aren't more prelingually deaf people getting implants or at least as curious as I was that it bothers them everyday wondering "What if"?"<br /><br />There is a slang word that exists in culture today- "Oreo," signifying a black person who is white on the inside. There is actually also a sign in the deaf culture for a deaf person that thinks like a hearing person and is usually integrated in the culture. It is the sign for "hearing," but signed near the forehead to signify they are "hearing-in-their-mind." This person usually doesn't have much sense of deaf culture or chooses to live outside it.<br /><br />I've been called "hearing-in-the-mind" and finally began identifying myself as "hearing-in-the-mind" when deaf people would ask me if I was deaf, hard of hearing, or hearing. It was ample enough to summarize why I sign in Exact English, why I write and read as well as I do, as well as to explain the fact I (wanted to and now have) an implant which makes me uniquely both deaf and hearing.<br /><br />There is no word like this in hearing culture. I have to explain I can't understand speech yet, although I hear the fan whirring above us and their voice as they ask, perfectly. I have to explain I don't use ASL. It gets tiring explaining but even tiring when people automatically assume that I use ASL because I am deaf and I never get a chance to explain so I have to find a way to slip it in there somewhere.<br /><br />I feel a constant worry when meeting new people who have taken ASL classes or who think they know things about deaf people, about making sure those people know I'm NOT in the deaf culture because I fear being grouped and as a result, assigned traits that I don't even possess.<br /><br />But what is unfortunate is that I believe, in order to have people listen to you, they have to feel they can relate to you. (which is probably why Obama is so popular right now, as a side note!) I want to get through to the deaf population about the usefulness of cochlear implants and about other things they might not be huge fans of. I can personally switch over to following deaf culture and customs, to signing ASL if need be, but I can never truly give myself over to it.<br /><br />I used to have some people criticize me greatly for that but it seems that the deaf culture and the hearing culture, over the years, have learned how to soften both their positions and find a more common ground. I'm glad to see that because there are advantages to BOTH so there's no reason to have just one if you can have the other as well.<br /></span></span></span>*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-44852399482935446022008-09-07T21:50:00.000-07:002008-11-04T19:41:42.423-08:00Implants and water<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDpHiVNcLPIyq3aNFQxOJHnTLyaelLmJHkZsUoV1tewQ-TWT6DYG8J55ng453CD8W1d-V3RhNVa_s6_MGbUEJwQyG4CJvO92Eo3qU4Bv-1I3YBW_IHxGjdsYV9m1mM_g5k-OmJqFwEX2k/s1600-h/P1030206.JPG"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDpHiVNcLPIyq3aNFQxOJHnTLyaelLmJHkZsUoV1tewQ-TWT6DYG8J55ng453CD8W1d-V3RhNVa_s6_MGbUEJwQyG4CJvO92Eo3qU4Bv-1I3YBW_IHxGjdsYV9m1mM_g5k-OmJqFwEX2k/s200/P1030206.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5243512862584595554" border="0" /></a><br />So!! I'm finally back in Seattle which means it's a LOT easier to keep this updated. Just as well, because I have a feeling I'll have a lot to update with. :D Today is on IMPLANTS AND WATER- the all-too-well-known dilemma all implant users encounter, whether they use a body worn processor or a headpiece. The short of it is, we can go in water and our implants can't.<br /><br />But before I get into that- I was thinking today about how being content is basically a state of mind. But at the same time, you can't really be content if you're not moving forward the way you want or if some aspect in your life isn't how you want it to be. The good thing is, we can usually always change it. I'm not entirely content with everything but I can honestly say that I am happy. And the things that I'm not content with (not enough speech classes, not being done with planning classes, etc) I am working to change asap.<br /><br />I was also laying in bed the other day, thinking about my implant. I was thinking about how much I regret not having getting it sooner, but how well it's worked out having it NOW. I honestly love this little thing that sticks to my head, that gives me a world of sound I never had before.<br /><br />While in Colorado, my sister and I were planning to go to this really fun ex-Six Flags park. But they have a water park there. So of course I started thinking about the food-sealer trick of sealing the implant and then using a water cap. I asked my mom to take me to a store where they would have a food sealer I could ask them to demonstrate (and in the process sealing my implant!) but she said no, flat out. Then she realized she had treated an adult like a child (am I really an adult? It felt strange to have my mom call me that, honestly). So she said "You can do whatever you want to, but don't come crying to me when your implant gets ruined. You'd be better off leaving it here."<br /><br />I yelled at her, "Try going a day without hearing ANYTHING! You'd be crying after a hour" and fled to my room. (Some adult I am, haha) A hour later, my family found me there asleep with my implant in my hand. I was angry and just plain sad that perhaps, they couldn't see just how much hearing means to me.<br /><br />It means enough that I'd be willing to go to a store, seal my implant, and wear a swimming cap the whole day if necessary. I don't even care when people stare at me, as they did in the shopping lines in Colorado. A small part of me dislikes it, obviously, and feels a twinge of self-consciousness but then I think about what my implant does for me and I stand prouder. I wear it so casually, the blue earpiece always sitting on my ear, and I never say anything about it. It hurts my ear a lot because it's a little heavier than a hearing aid and it presses on my nerves sometimes, but I don't say this. What would be the point? The point is, I can hear and I'm happy.<br /><br />What ended up happening was I took the implant to the park.<br /><br />The theatrics we put ourselves through-I was determined to bring it there. I had given up on the idea of wearing it in water because really, I wouldn't be missing out on any conversation thanks to my sister being wonderfully fluent in sign and being the only one there. But I did try putting my implant in a plastic bag earlier before the park, but couldn't find a swim cap and didn't want to risk it. It was a little harder to hear through the plastic bag, obviously, but it worked. It was just much quieter and I feared turning up the volume and maybe at one point it becoming crystal-clear, crystal-sharp and FLOODING me with noise.<br /><br />I ended up having fun despite the utter silence. But it did make me a little sad- I was laying in the coolness of the water, and I saw a child laughing and laughing as the waves kept nearly pushing her over. I thought, "If I had my implant or hearing aid on, I would be able to hear that." This was some child I didn't even know and I cared about being able to hear her. What's odd is my brain expected the laughter SO much that I could hear a faint laughter- as if my brain was giving it sound. I knew it wasn't really hearing- it was the "voice."<br /><br />But what's amazing is I NEVER had the "voice" in my head growing up. What I thought in was sign, or the SENSATION of my lips moving, or sometimes a mouth as if I were lipreading. I have little to no auditory memory. Yet, my brain is supplying a voice now. When I scroll through my IPod without the direct connect, I HEAR the tapping it makes even though there is no sound. That was probably the most direct, clear "voice"/sound my brain ever recalled. I was surprised but what's funny is I find that sound annoying! (I love it in a way though, if just because I can hear it.)<br /><br /><br />But I realized beforehand, as I did with the water, that the roller coasters would be a problem, wouldn't they? So before my mom drove us, I ran into the house and grabbed a big roll of duct tape. They all asked what it was for and as a reply, I ripped a piece of the duct tape, folded it inside out so the sticky parts were on the outside, and put the tape on my implant's earpiece. In short, I taped the implant to my head.... with duct tape!!! You can see a little bit of the tape if you look closely at the picture. My mom groaned but said nothing. My stepdad chuckled. My sister rolled her eyes and said, "You're just really dramatic, you know that?" I smiled in anticipation of being able to hear on the roller coasters. <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlH82OL9TLLnYyqoQRZykonOvfmE7gToWECBUgHl9pEWYPsYGqzTstT8xc7Jxxao2glhRPs6a6OI3mGizgWB-XDveY5BHYtxc4p4-SB4BrkQnkmKWBqYK_20KsqAjXZaLLCAa71go8oqo/s1600-h/P1030199.JPG"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlH82OL9TLLnYyqoQRZykonOvfmE7gToWECBUgHl9pEWYPsYGqzTstT8xc7Jxxao2glhRPs6a6OI3mGizgWB-XDveY5BHYtxc4p4-SB4BrkQnkmKWBqYK_20KsqAjXZaLLCAa71go8oqo/s200/P1030199.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5243512853648735650" border="0" /></a><br /><br />When we got there, my sister and I ran for the biggest coaster in the park. We got on the ride and swung our legs until the ride began. I heard the announcer speak, the machinery, the -click- of the restraints, and finally the loudness of the ride starting. I checked to see that my implant was secure, and it was fine- UNTIL the loop-de-loop! The magnet (circular part) fell off because my head hit the side of the seat lightly. Then I felt the tape peeling off. Oh no!!! So I clapped my hand to my head, and held the implant there throughout the loop-de-loop. The split second of silence then the sudden shrieking noise of the roller coaster when the magnet was put back on was ridiculous! I pulled it off, the tape's friction stinging my skin a bit. It really had worked pretty well- until bumping it or until the magnet came off! So for the rest of the day, I took off the implant and put it in my pack whenever we were about to ride a roller coaster. Basically, I started to only use my hearing aid. The dimension lost was really disappointing but losing my implant would be WORSE!<br /><br />My suggestion for amusement parks/roller coasters is to wear a swim cap that's tight enough to hold the implant for roller coasters, or taking it off before you're going on the ride. But put it in a big pack and bring a plastic bag or something to hold your implant in so it doesn't just get dropped in your backpack! As for water- I wouldn't take the risk of sealing it unless it was your spare implant and you had tried it out already in a low-water environment like the shower before actually IMMERSING it. I might try the food sealer trick (search youtube for it) in the shower sometime to see if it works, AFTER testing if the implant even works through the bag, but I don't really swim much in the upcoming seasons, only summer, so I'm not too worried about it.<br /><br />Rain- the implant holds up VERY well in the rain and I appreciate that. (Especially since I live in Seattle!!) I'm not worried about getting it wet like with hearing aids. It continues to work well! But as a precaution I still usually use a hood if it's raining hard but it looks like it's not entirely necessary! Obviously, it can't be submerged (showers, swimming, etc) but it's not often we spend time submerged! So in average living and wetness, the CI holds up GREAT. :)<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlH82OL9TLLnYyqoQRZykonOvfmE7gToWECBUgHl9pEWYPsYGqzTstT8xc7Jxxao2glhRPs6a6OI3mGizgWB-XDveY5BHYtxc4p4-SB4BrkQnkmKWBqYK_20KsqAjXZaLLCAa71go8oqo/s1600-h/P1030199.JPG"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span></a>*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-5612528642817848802008-08-29T22:10:00.000-07:002008-11-04T19:41:42.428-08:00Ahhh!<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">So, I know I have totally not updated in awhile. AHHH! But the unfortunate thing is that I haven't found anything that's particularly scintillating. I'm also working on moving this to an actual website since I find that the more I progress or at least the more everything goes on, I have so much to write about- so much that it might actually profit from being split up into categories instead of having one ridiculously long blog everyday. But Flash (a program often used to make webpages) continues to challenge the limits of my skills. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">I continue to try and learn but I feel like I have had a lack of NEW things to write about. This is actually not true, since everyday there is always something new to discover with the implant if you only try!</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">I started speech/auditory therapy. I'm talking more and more, despite the fact the auditory therapy is only one hour a week! :( I'm working on getting another therapist on board. The one I'm going to right now, Katie, works at Children's Hospital. She is absolutely sweet and marvelous- very patient, knows sign, and is just an all-around fun person to work with. I really am disappointed it's only once a week. My surgeon did a referral for me to go there, even though I'm 19! The one I'm working on getting is the one who originally suggested I get an implant. She has my old case files for how much I understood with my hearing aid only. I'm eager to get those back and to test them against the implant. So even with two therapists, I'll still only get around 2 hours of "professional" auditory therapy.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">This is why it's so critical that I work AT HOME and in my daily life, so I've been trying to do that. Katie loaned me the "Advanced Bionics: Making the Connection" book which I 100% recommend to any cochlear implant user. It has various exercises, CDs, ideas for practicing with somebody, and even an answer key.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">I tried to speak more today- but I feel like I can't speak as quickly as I sign. So I find myself speaking the words I can and the words I can't, I'll sign. That, or I'll sign and finish saying the last word perhaps 2 beats after I've finished signing! It's a bit funny but usually it's just frustrating. I find myself wondering why I didn't speak more before? I think a lot of it is that I basically couldn't hear myself say a LOT of the words and so I felt odd. I also wasn't confident- I still don't feel like most people could understand my speaking. I want to change this though. I've found that I can actually LISTEN to how people say words and then copy them until I sound near to them. It's exciting because while I could logically do that with hearing aids before, I couldn't hear the wonderful subtleties and nuances that everyone takes for granted hearing.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">I'm in Denver right now. I have relatives here that I'm thrilled to see, especially since we don't see each other more than once a year. We all keep in touch via email and texting- I usually come here every summer. I find that anytime I travel lately, I google wherever I'm going to see how their cochlear implant facilities/resources are. At the age of four, a doctor in Denver persistently tried to get my mom to get me implanted. Having known this story since I was young, I wondered immediately if they had any breaking-edge developments with implants and if, perhaps during the short time I was here, I could volunteer myself as a guinea pig. ((A guinea pig whose hearing ability is entirely dependent on batteries and the continued developments that science makes! The amount of batteries I go through every month is mounting steadily- thank goodness for rechargeable batteries which is what I have with my implant.))</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">I found out that Cochlear Americas ((essentially the "opponent" of MY implant company)) seems to have a headquarters here. So I doubt I'll be able to pop in for any testing or whatever since it isn't entirely compatible. Quite a shame, really, since I was really hoping I could go back and say, "Hey! Y'all suggested I get an implant 15 years ago. Would you be interested in running any experiments even if it's just to see response time or see how I experience this piece of music (Or whatever)."<br /><br />I do want to visit California to go to the Advanced Bionics headquarters.... I mean, I don't entirely know what exactly my intentions are but I know I have a vested interest in going. Maybe just to tour, maybe to be part of a research study, or maybe just to meet some of the people working on technological improvements. I know if I want to be involved, I have to MAKE it happen. With the advent of school approaching, I'm increasingly excited to FINALLY have a routine. While I love my free time, I don't feel I spend it as well as when I have a schedule to stick to. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">This will be my first quarter with an implant. I don't really see my approach to how I attend school becoming any different right now, although I DO wish that it would. There are options to get an interpreter who only mouths words (and I'd assume they could sign, possibly, if I requested one that could)- so that I won't look at the signs and rather, only lipread. But in a big lecture hall, I'll be the first to admit this could get challenging.... I'd have to wear my glasses everyday and sit up in the front. I have to look at what will serve me best- </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">I feel like I use my sign as a crutch, which people will probably laugh at when they read this. Understandable- I don't begrudge you for that. I actually do think it sounds silly in retrospect. But in the long run, VASTLY more people speak than sign. I want to be able to be part of that, despite the odds against me. I already lipread pretty well but there are times I can't seem to lipread or people are speaking differently than I'm used to seeing or I have to wait until I can pick up the topic. I think this will always be something I have to do- lipread. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">So how would having to lipread in school help or hinder me? I think it works both ways- an obvious hindrance is if I fall behind or if I have NO clue what they're saying. Oops, then I miss an assignment or an important piece that I needed to know for a test! But in a positive way, if I succeed then I'll be glad I could do it and perhaps me HEARING the words exactly as I read them, will help me to learn more. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">I don't know- I want CHANGE. I didn't get an implant for things to remain the same. But I know there's already been changes even if I don't notice them as much as I might notice other things that point to "success." Is this implant already a success in its own right though? Yes, it is- it serves its purpose.... to bring sounds to me that I've never heard before. But I continue to want MORE out of it.<br /><br />I saw my uncles Mike and Brian and my grandma Sally yesterday night. My grandma fattened us all up with some delicious strawberry dessert, homemade soup, homemade potato salad, and.... oh. I think we can all say we were groaning at how much we ate because it was just that good. And I showed everyone my implant, of course. I was secretly really eager because I mean, I REALLY LOVE THIS THING. Mike inquires, "Can you really hear with it?" I think this is the MOST common question I get. I feel continually like I have to prove the CI does work.<br /><br />The wonderful thing is, people are usually amazed by how much I CAN hear. But I always feel this anxious anticipation with ANYBODY when I'm asked to demonstrate how well I hear now- "Listen as hard as you can! Come on, show them it DOES work. Show them you didn't get your head cut open for nothing. Remember, you hear "Shhh"...." (Still loving that to an amazing degree by the way!)<br /><br />My family sat in my grandma's living room, in an unintentional circle. I closed my eyes and somebody would say something. My mom wanted me to try and find where it came from (I do have stereo hearing, thanks to wearing my hearing aid in my right ear). I don't feel I was that good at it.... it's confusing but the MORE I do it, the easier it becomes, especially with feedback.<br /><br />We also tried having me say what I heard- which is something Katie had me do at the last session too. She had cards with sounds like "bzzz" or "duh duh duh" on them and I had to verbally say what it sounded like to me. It sounds easy, but it really isn't, oddly.<br /><br />So, I actually could say things like, "I hear a T in whatever was said." A few times I even said it was my name and was correct. I reply, when asked, VERY tentatively, with a slow halting response that is entirely indicative of my confidence in my correctness. (That is to say, I'm not all that confident, hehe) I hate looking stupid or letting down people (even though consciously I KNOW it isn't about any of that and that everyone is usually really impressed at how the implant and my brain work together).<br /><br />But in short, I'm still really excited. That's all for now :)<br /><br />Gloria, if you read this- I'll try and get on my laptop tomorrow to send you the thing you need for the webpage. If anyone else sees this, pass this on to Gloria! Thanks!!<br /><br /><br /></span>*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-12293394593580581852008-07-03T16:35:00.000-07:002008-11-04T19:41:42.431-08:00Pitch Perception Test- Real Time Reporting!As I've mentioned before, I LOVE the pitch perception test (Link found in the right column). It is challenging enough to be wildly interesting, delivers feedback immediately so I can integrate learning into it, and I feel it helps me notice my improvement (or lack thereof) in sound perception.<br /><br />So... here goes. I find it helps to play it more than once since your results do improve with practice and it takes a bit to get into the "groove." Speaking of groove- let's get grooving with my results!<br /><br />Hearing aid only (right ear has a profound hearing loss but can hear sounds well above 30db with the hearing aid):<br /><br />Just for technicality's sake, I wear an Oticon hearing aid (not the best at all) on volume 4, which is the max. I used to hear things with volume 3 but now prefer 4. Whether this is due to my hearing declining or the hearing aid's quality, I'm not sure. There are extremely good high-tech hearing aids out there and then there's the basic ones. Laptop volume is at 51, which is fairly loud but not extremely loud.<br /><br />It begins at a 96 hz difference. I got down to 24 hz fairly easily, with a few errors which I immediately try to file away in my memory. I get down to 3hz.<br /><br />This is when I realize: Have I ever gotten down to 3hz? And also: "Has having the implant in already helped me THAT much with pitch perception, even when I don't have it in?"<br /><br />I am at 1.5 hz now. The sounds don't seem that hard to discern and it seems odd that I would usually be unable to go below 6hz. My personal best was probably 4 or 3hz, on very few occasions. I would usually end at a 24-12hz or begin failing at 6hz pre-op and with only a hearing aid. I hadn't been practicing at this test since before my surgery which was a month ago!<br /><br />I'm surprised. This is with the hearing aid alone, POST-implant. I would love to consult some surgeons or neurotechnicians to explain why this is happening. Heck, make me into your guinea pig if you wish! It's still not within "normal" scores, though, I believe.<br /><br />It creeps slowly down, 0.75 hz, 0.375 hz, and with that the test is over. I've moved from a "possible pitch perception deficit" to being in the "low-normal" range. WHAT? I now can qualify as "normal" (albeit a "low" normal), despite my hearing loss?<br /><br />I think of the Seattle Children's Science Museum and this incredibly fun room filled with body-measuring apparatus and activities, such as "How far can you reach?" and "How long can you hold your breath?" One of them is a TALL "sound measurement" scale. It looks like the "How hard can you hit?" tower with the light bulbs at some county fairs and amusement parks. Except it makes a beeping noise (That I've never heard, I just know it does because it says that on the directions). I was never able to play with it because I could never differentiate the pitches very well AT ALL. Well. I want to go back, see if that thing is there, and play it and see the lights beam up!<br /><br />I am sitting here, blogging LIVE as I'm taking this test. I'll admit something: I was desperately, secretly afraid that my pitch perception would take a weird dive for the worse for some bizarre reason even though the opposite should occur with my brain's newfound pitch ability. At least with my hearing aid, it hasn't. In fact, with the 4th taking of this test (After hundreds in the past) I have, for the first time, moved from Level 5 (Possible Pitch Perception Deficit) to Level 2.5 (Somewhere between Normal and Very Good). Woah!<br /><br />Now... to try it with the implant alone. The sound adjustment sample sounds high and wailing, penetrating right into my head (and indeed it is!). Nevertheless, I hear it, which is all I need for right now. The volume on the laptop has increased from 51 to 64. The sounds no longer sound rich and tolerable- they are screamingly high, whiny as a toddler without a nap. My head begins to hurt before I am even through with the first pair. I push on, however. I notice that the "lower" pitches are almost imperceptible but noticeable since they "FEEL" lower and SOUND quieter in my head even though the volume remains the same for both pitches.<br /><br />No score is given because my pitch perception was too wide for them to measure. That is to say, I fail. My head is throbbing and I wonder if the volume on my processor is too high. I pull the magnet-processor off my head where it falls limp against my palm, flashing its lonely red light. The volume is all the way up. I sigh, haunted by the thought that the louder it needs to be, the worse my ears are. But, of course, this isn't a hearing aid and if it's all the way up it just means my comfort level for sound has increased much more since Mapping #2, which is good. I wonder if it signifies, "My brain is ready for MORE!!!"<br /><br />I decide to go take a break for a few minutes before I return.*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-38776098050302267872008-07-03T15:23:00.000-07:002008-11-04T19:41:42.435-08:00B# or Ship OutI'm listening to "John Coltrane's My Favourite Things" right now. The beginning sent chills up my arms for some reason (Auditory overload? Amazing music? Both?). But then ... it dropped away a mere minute into the composition. I only have my implant on not my hearing aid, so that could be why. But it strikes me as odd.<br /><br />What I've really found though, is it takes my brain time to ADJUST. Even if I take it out to check the volume and then put it back on moments after I've taken it out, sound composition drops dramatically until my brain has had time to adjust. It seems odd that I couldn't just jump right back into it but it also makes sense.<br /><br />I tried it with Ian's iphone, which he wasn't certain if the cord fit the Iphone properly enough to deliver the best sound. I think he said this right after I said things sounded HIGH and oddly distorted. I thought, "Oh no. What if it isn't the cord? I'm not going to say anything..." He turned up the music slowly and then all of a sudden, I pulled my implant out FAST. The sound had increased from a comfortable level to suddenly a painful one, piping into my head and it HURT. After that, Ian had me adjust the volume by myself because he didn't want to hurt me.<br /><br />I remarked to him that I would for sure have to find a way to "lock" my ipod touch's volume because I can see myself grabbing it and accidentally sliding the volume up and blasting my auditory nerve with painful sound!<br /><br />Notably, it cannot destroy my hearing or nerves but it HURTS so if it hurts, it follows that nobody would want to do it!<br /><br />My natural biological capability for music has been substituted by a bionic ear, so of course.... Of course it sounds ODD. The first time I heard a song and tried to really listen, it sounded high-pitched and tinny. The Beatles' Blackbird sounds downright distorted. Where's the metronome? It's no longer razor-sharp clear, distinctly and easily picked out of the song. Even with the hearing aid in and the implant, it sounds HIGH and hardly what I'd call "music."<br /><br />However, I CAN hear melodies now with most songs. This was a HUGE surprise because I wasn't even listening for it. I was sitting in Ian's darkened music room and oh, it was SWEET. The notes soared up and down distinctively and I finally, for the FIRST time, understood the concept of melody first-hand. I had understood the definition and concept but it was like being told what stars look like without having ever seen them.<br /><br />Before, I could kind of understand why the melody is "so essential" but didn't really CARE. But... Music suddenly makes so much more sense now. I happily told Ian, "So this is how you hum songs! You follow the melody!" He looked surprised, as if it were common sense..... and of course it is for most people.<br /><br />I had always thought you hummed just by following the notes and making the timing right, which IS the definition of melody in a sense.... but I had never been able to truly hear the distinctiveness of NOTES in... holy crap, a complex sequence of music.<br /><br />I think this is one reason why I liked classical music- because it has NOTHING else mixed in with it. It's simply one instrument, usually, and that instrument plays its own notes and nothing else. I have always liked a great variety of music though- but to me it was kind of just like "nice" sounds or "pretty" sounds that seemed pleasant. Again, that could be a definition, yes, but there's SO much more to a star than it just being "a light in the sky."<br /><br />I took off my implant and listened to a Weezer song with my hearing aid. It was shockingly flat, dull, and empty. I had NEVER noticed that music was simply.... boring with my hearing aid on. It wasn't, of course, but with the implant out the quality and amount I get seems boring now.<br /><br />I was just always happy I COULD hear and appreciate music to a degree. I've always loved music; my parents were always playing music or instruments and I was always playing around with instruments or dancing. But now I have to laugh at what I comprehended as music. With the implant on AND the hearing aid... oooh. It's so much more distinct. Terrible in some ways, (the high pitches leap out sometimes in some songs, Beatles make NO sense, when my brain is still "warming up" to a song it can take a minute to kick in and make sense, etc) but marvelous in other ways (Melody is FINDABLE which is AMAZING to me!, music seems way more 3D and more complex, and so on...)<br /><br />I heard stereo for possibly the first time in my life. Left side was the voice while right side was the instruments.... and I went, "Huh. That's an interesting way to arrange it." My initial impression was, "This IS cool and it DOES help. But in a way, I prefer hearing it together, since the implant filters all sound directly to my brain anyway." It'd depend, I guess.<br /><br />Having my hearing aid on in my right ear helps a TON and adds more "life" and sense to what I'm hearing with my bionic left ear.<br /><br />My brain likes simple songs right now- because I like the practice of being able to pick out sounds and melodies. I WANT to leap into "complex" songs but I plan to listen to songs like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star as well. That might help a bit. I don't understand how people have such an expansive HUGE music memory at times- how can they pick out which melody a song is from when there's millions of songs out there? I wonder, will my brain ever be able to?<br /><br />Part of me thinks it will in some cases, because I already am learning what sounds go with what things but I fear that I will lose that sense of knowledge with each new mapping (calibration for my new ear and software!) that I get, since sounds DO change with mappings.<br /><br />Ian helps a lot by showing me which instruments are playing AS the song is playing which helps a TON because I have something to match with, to what I'm hearing. I don't know how people just naturally develop it, because while I CAN separate the elements a lot easier and find the melody, I find that it helps to such an amazing degree to have Ian tell me what's going on with the instruments/vocals.<br /><br />It makes me wish I had somebody to walk with me all day and go, "This is what you're hearing!" I walk on the streets without my hearing aid on and just the implant and I hear really odd high pitched noises that I can't pinpoint to anything specific. I turn around, I look upwards, I stop walking, and still it continues and I can't find what it is.<br /><br />But! One amazing thing was I was walking down the street and I saw a bus about 30 feet from me and I HEARD the doors shut. I knew instinctively it was the door. I didn't have to see the door to know it was the door. I'm not sure if it was my hearing aid, the implant, or the combination of both but it sure seemed louder and clearer and from across the street on top of that! So I chalked it up to the implant. Score.<br /><br />I will keep you all up to date on how I'm doing with music!<br /><br />Posts to Come: (A reminder for myself)<br /><br />*Nerves<br />*Mapping #2<br />*Sounds I like/dislike/notice<br />*Ipod contents<br />*Pitch perception test.... take #1 after the implant.*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-62126115706288550572008-07-01T20:55:00.001-07:002008-11-04T19:41:42.440-08:00Activation Day!So, I got my nifty new ear turned on today. It was a rough morning due to me trying to make it there on time but that doesn't matter- what matters is... well, my initial impressions! I'm sure you're all curious. So here I go-<br /><br />It is now about 12 hours since I officially became bionic. It started off quite unpredictably-because there were no bells or whistles (Both figuratively and in my head!). I was just talking to my mom and Tina was fiddling with the computer. With no warning, I heard a bunch of high pitched noises- VERY high. I kept signing to my mom for a few moments before I realized, "Hey, I'm hearing things!" It wasn't AMAZING but at the same time it was.<br /><br /><br />It was 100% PURE sound. Not amplified sound or vibrations. It was undeniably IN my head. I couldn't have mistaken it for vibrations, like I was told some people get instead of sound, when they're first activated. It was high pitchedness running through my synapses at thousands of rates per second..<br /><br />My poor brain was just reeling to the tune of ...well, no tune. Just crazy beeps! And my emotion was, "Thank God it works!" and then, "I don't want to be a downer but I really hope it gets better than this?? What I'm hearing is downright weird. It's nothing like my hearing aid!"<br />I became elated, though, when Tina stopped the computer programming (those crazy beeps! I was eager to hear OTHER sounds). She let my ear loose into the "real world" that was pen tapping, her talking, my knuckles popping, and.... that forever elusive Sound. What sound? Well, it's been one I've been chasing for a long time, forever disappointed when even as loud as people were making it, my ears still couldn't cross that bridge. Oh, the bridge was there- or perhaps it was finally completed when I got my implant- but either way, I found the elusive "Shhh."<br /><br />I was already excited when I heard how LOUD the pen cap was and how it seemed to "make sense." It wasn't some high pitched noise- it just sounded like a pen cap. Mind you though, it's VERY different than hearing with a hearing aid. The hearing aid's sounds seem to "make more sense" than the implant.<br /><br />The implant sounds VERY artificial and I miss the not-so-subtle hum of traffic. With only the implant in and no hearing aid, I no longer hear the generalized sounds of the world around me- traffic humming, people talking indistinctly, and general atmosphere sounds. I hear on a microscopic level. Why are pencils scratching coming to me better than anything else? Odd. I miss it a lot, but I keep sighing in relief that I still have my right ear to slip a hearing aid in lovingly, if ever the artificialness becomes too much for me. But it hasn't happened yet.<br /><br />Okay, it has crossed my mind once or twice... or maybe quite a few times. But I refuse to give in. The magnet remains clipped to my head, bonding to its unseen twin on the other side of my skin. Sounds are odd, but sound is SOUND. It is rich.<br /><br />It was wildly odd to hear myself laugh and talk- it was so unexpectedly painfully high that I automatically tried to lower my pitch. I trust that I will learn how to do this in time; for I finally HEAR just how different it is from others' voices. My own voice makes me want to wince. Others' voices, however, do not bother me. I delight in hearing the subtleties. I heard whistling clearly and my knuckles popping (sorry, it's a bad habit I continue to entertain)- for the first time in my life, perhaps.<br /><br />As for that "Shhh" sound, I asked Tina what the main "6 ling sounds" were and I was secretly afraid I wouldn't be able to hear them when she said them. Eee, shh, and oo are three of them. I heard ALL of them. Crystal clear as if it were a crystal glass shattering on a stone floor. Shhhhh.......perhaps one of the best things I've heard in my whole life, no kidding.<br /><br />I was reiterant with the happily elated statement, "In all my 19 years it has never been that clear or distinct to me!"<br /><br />What else did I hear? My sidekick phone sliding open! Woah! What a weird sound and yes, annoying. But not annoying enough to stop me from happily closing and opening it repeatedly. Who would have thought it was THAT loud? My mom asked if I could hear the keys; I couldn't. But as I type right now, I hear it. I hear myself blowing out air. Again, who would've thought it was THAT loud?<br /><br />Color me surprised. What else.... paper! Paper.... UGH. Oh, and I heard the difference between my shoes hitting carpet and the metal lining on the stairs when I was running up my summer place's stairs. I fear trying my sax in a way because of the many ways it could pierce my nerves, yet I am very excited to try. I haven't listened to music deliberately yet- I think I'll save that for a time when I can be with Ian. Just as long as he doesn't play the banjo! Now, he has wonderful musical skills but with a hearing aid, I dislike the banjo at close range. I am curious at so many things- will my taste in the banjo change, being one of them.<br /><br />My mom was thrilled and surprised I could hear. My sister and I shared a few minutes of bellyaching laughter when my mom excitedly asked, "Can you hear this?" and then said, "Yeees" very quietly but she slid her tongue over her lips, accidentally making a weird expression in the process. My sister and I couldn't hear the "Yees" and both of us only saw her tongue sliding over her lips. Confused, Tori and I stared at each other and both erupted into insane laughter that evolved into tears as we both went, "Mom! We can't hear your TONGUE on your lips!"<br /><br />I then told my sister, "Ooo, I can hear this; can you?" while rubbing my fingers together- except they weren't together at all. It was just air between them. We cracked up again at the thought of such Tao-like sounds becoming vastly within my reach. With extraordinary hearing like that, I would easily hear sounds no human has ever heard before.<br /><br />But? Some of the giddiness vanished when I was hit hard with CRUCIAL Lesson Number 1 of using an implant when I wasn't even out of the hospital parking yet! I was fiddling with my implant because I wanted the volume louder, while my mom was paying the parking fee.<br /><br />I put it on and immediately within a timespan of perhaps 2.6 seconds I got the worst shock to my poor brain and auditory nerve ever. It was beyond rock-concert and jackhammer right by your ears while you're holding a megaphone to your ears loud. Instinctively, I grabbed the implant off my head as fast as I could and screamed, "SHIT!" which reverberated in the cold underground of the parking lot. Thankfully, I couldn't hear my high pitched scream or I would've probably fallen to my knees. Tears welled in my eyes involuntarily. I thought of much worse four letter words while trembling inwardly at the other thought in my head- "How the HELL do I put this back on my head after THAT?!"<br /><br />My mom and sister jumped and my mom immediately scolded me for my hardly eloquent nor verbose expression of pain/shock but softened after I told her what had happened. I put it back on with much caution.<br /><br />During lunch, I was subtly disappointed. My mom said it was so loud that she couldn't hear HERSELF talk but I thought, "It isn't loud in here yet I can't hear her.... and I miss the sounds of people talking, etc, that I'm used to getting when I walk into this pizza parlor."<br /><br />Lesson Number Two: No, I don't hear the humming of cars or my favorite "environmental noises" that I have become so keenly attuned and used to. No, sound does NOT make much sense right now. It all almost sounds the same- a weird high pitched sound, unless I actually listen to differentiate. Water running sounds high pitched. Silverware? High pitched but worse than water. Tinfoil? Like chewing it, except in hearing form. And MUCH higher than the water. But, I remain hopeful and intrigued.<br /><br />I still steel my mental muscles as hard as they can firm themselves, when I bring the magnet close to my head and then that moment where sound leaps brilliantly into my head. The sounds- so HIGH pitched and distinct, yet for this first day, seeming as though it's only caused by two SMALL things (at the most) that would hardly raise any notice to anyone else- instead of the full range of things that cause sound.<br /><br />I am going to ask Tina, for sure, to lock it so it can't go full volume by accident and give me temporary Tourette's Syndrome again.<br /><br />Quiet rooms are the only rooms I will put my implant on in before venturing out to the real world, right now, otherwise it is like plunging into an icy cold lake of sound. I look around with caution- somebody might be moving silverware which is not something I want to hear right when I put it on. It might feel good after the fact, but during the fact, it only feels unpleasant.<br /><br />But it is not enough to deter me from wanting to see if I will hear cars again, and IN combination with my magnificent newly-heard sounds! Perhaps I will wear my hearing aid and my implant both, but right now I am only using the implant so my brain can't jump to its preferred default.<br /><br />I plan to try and see if I can do the pitch test soon, but one thing I'll say- it IS tiring which I didn't expect! But I don't tire of showing off to people just what I can hear and finding out more and more, through their questions, of just what I CAN hear and decode.<br /><br />I'm going to go poke at my sister's guinea pigs right now and see if I can evoke the whistling and squeaks that I have never heard clearly before in my life. =)<br /><br />Cyborgically Yours!*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-12120689046912583202008-06-24T15:43:00.000-07:002008-11-04T19:41:42.442-08:00Stitches Out!!<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;">Yay!! I got my stitches out today! It is one week and one day since my surgery. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;">But... why didn't anybody tell me it would hurt?! OH MY GOSH. It really hurt because the stitches were tight and Dr. Rubenstein had to get little scissors and fit them under the stitches and snip them off, and of course the stitches moved a bit when he cut them.<br /><br />There was a point where I stopped him and just asked, "Is it SUPPOSED to hurt?" He smiled sweetly and answered, "Just a little bit."<br /><br />Liar. You were nice today- really really nice, but it wasn't "just a little bit."<br /><br />I had intended to take aspirin right before my appointment (clever me!) but forgot (not so clever!).... but at least they're out! And the doctor says they're healing perfectly and right on track. Yay! :)<br /><br />A lot of the staff came around to say hi, including Tina (audiologist) and her assistant... they all seem excited for me. It's really wonderful seeing the level of care they possess.<br /><br />It's great having the stitches out because now it doesn't itch quite so much. (I never knew how much a TINY bit of thread could itch and make you crazy! Definitely the proverbial single straw that broke the camel's back.)<br /><br />It isn't bleeding and didn't at all when the stitches were cut. So, my fear of my skin splitting open, bleeding and revealing the white boniness of my skull...... totally soothed.<br /><br />I'll post a picture later :)<br /><br />Hope everybody is enjoying the warm weather- I know I am. Especially since the doctor said, "You can resume normal activities."<br /><br />Summer, here I cooome! I got books from the library and have plans so I'm not bored anymore :D My best friend Tess should be here any minute!<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">I have a SPEECH CONSULTANT appointment scheduled for July 30th at Seattle Children's Hospital.... I reallyyyyy hope I get approved because then I'll get to have speech classes every week. I really want this. I really really do.<br /><br />**edit** I found out July 2nd, on my 2nd mapping the day after activation, that I don't need to get approved- I already am! EXCITING!! :)<br /></span><br />Activation is July 1st. Yet another countdown begins... I'm actually kind of glad it's in a week, because that gives me a week before I wear it and REALLY devote myself to learning all that I can.<br /><br />The way I look at it is, infants have one year (plus some!) to basically adjust to the world around them and learn about sound and I won't have this period of "silence" and "total brain devotion" to learning.... so I'll have to work extra hard. I can't just expect it all to come to me subconsciously although I do think our brains can be extraordinarily self-adjusting!<br /><br />I plan to listen to </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;">(See my Useful Links on right) </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;">online spoken word-tests, pitch perception, lots of listening and asking people what the sound is, and whatever resources the hospital can give me or Hearing Journey's resources. <span style="font-style: italic;">Any other ideas, folks?</span><br /><br />I'm afraid to do the pitch perception test after activation, because I tried so hard on the pitch perception test so many times and did fairly well but not as well as I'd like.... and I'm afraid that my pitch perception score will only improve a small amount...... it's the big "A" that gets me here- ANTICIPATION. But it's also what sustains me ! Excited, excited.... :D<br /><br />Just a funny note: I met some deaf customers at my Starbucks the other day, and they were surprised to find out I was deaf when they asked how I could sign. One of them mentioned they grew up with the oral method and I accidentally burst out with, "I wish I had grown up oral deaf! Lucky!" --- they both looked at me, amused. Yes, that isn't something most deaf people would say.<br /><br /><br /></span>*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-29441665787444859882008-06-22T12:13:00.000-07:002008-11-04T19:41:42.445-08:00Part 2 of Update (5 days postop)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg17LbGmmtypRfggaHkWTJE_YXb1DAzZiCFJubMsWEfMj824l6BGOeG2k57BKQ10bavMZE9aEvQGLgO0ViW40hzMUiIvpmbLDffplLj6N4tIiuojKK4DzaMB-Atlx6HvvqG7DOQKRYkMlk/s1600-h/cochlear+implant+bandage.JPG"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg17LbGmmtypRfggaHkWTJE_YXb1DAzZiCFJubMsWEfMj824l6BGOeG2k57BKQ10bavMZE9aEvQGLgO0ViW40hzMUiIvpmbLDffplLj6N4tIiuojKK4DzaMB-Atlx6HvvqG7DOQKRYkMlk/s320/cochlear+implant+bandage.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5215055813066891106" border="0" />(Lovely 80s hair thanks to the bandage. This is me after they changed my bandage day after surgery and I'm holding the removed bandage... complete with the blood!)</a><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102); font-weight: bold;">So, the days following the surgery, my h</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102); font-weight: bold;">ead didn't hurt THAT much, but that was mainly because I was so faithfully being administered medicine by Ian. But nights and early mornings were worse, I'd say. It was hard to find an easy position to sleep in and it often would flare up at night for some reason. Then when I'd wake up it was like my head had a reaction to the changing-of-positions that is waking up. But, it is now Sunday, nearly a WEEK after surgery already!! And my head has some trivial aching if I touch the stitches or the area around it. It's still a bit tender. I felt a little dizzy all day yesterday, but not OVERLY dizzy. I'm glad I have an appointment on Tuesday so I can ask them about this. Moving my head side to side doesn't cause any dizziness but it does cause my head to swim for a second. This morning, I put my finger in my left ear and WOAH. The room soared.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Nice, I can alter my sense of reality just by putting my finger in my ear.</span><br /><br />It doesn't do that now though. It does hurt if I lie on that side though, but it's not a serious pain. It's just ..pain. The threads from the stitches itch my ear sometimes because they're kind of long and knotted off!! That was driving me crazy last night and the night before, but now it doesn't seem to be a problem.<br /><br />Thank you to everyone who left a comment or was thinking of me or helped out in some way :) My journey is just starting!!! I am a cyborg, but not a fired-up one yet. Tony Stark, (Iron Man) get out of the way....<br /><br />Activation is scheduled for July 1st. I don't think that it's to allow my head to heal, since I've heard of people getting activated very soon after surgery! I think it's more that their time flexibility is pretty tight and the Mappings take 3-4 hours each.<br /><br />My goodness, I can't wait. But I'm also really nervous. But so far, I WANT to say I've noticed improvement, even without it being activated. I have NO clue how this would work. Maybe it's the "power of the mind" or maybe it's the nerves being momentarily startled, stirring to life by the gentle prod of the electrode array that is now in my cochlea. Whatever it is, sounds seem more ...<span style="font-style: italic;">sharp</span>? To give an example, leaves and rocks still don't have the refreshing crunch-crunch that I imagine they should, but it seems more CLEAR where it's coming from and as though more of the intricateness of sound has been opened up to me. Dare I say, I hear more individualness than just a "whole" sound.... this is what I really aspired, hoped, wished for, with the surgery, because this will allow me to possibly learn some speech.<br /><br />The other day, my father, sister, and I were taking a walk through this woody area. I was walking ahead of everyone, watching the dog bounce from bush to bush, and I heard my dad speak loudly. "Tasha." I turned around. It was a moment of surprise for both of us. It didn't automatically register as my name, but it didn't require much THINKING. It was almost like my mind processed it before I could, which is a huge difference.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">What? What am I saying?</span> Am I building myself up for too much? Perhaps- I'm still making sure I keep a rein on reality and on "low" expectations. But what could be the cause of this heightened sense of sound? And will it last? Only time will reveal.<br /></span>*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-16032288575200853842008-06-22T00:11:00.000-07:002008-11-04T19:41:42.448-08:005 Days After Surgery<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0Kig2Fky5b_E9YIjOalfLDTaOUWZ45NSqk8zapUs7zM7KJn4YUKrCY3lY-D6Z52LDszIJ00u4Ckt7pCzWqPo-eMPut0L4eYUEIeskLmQY9cp1ONgngMq9kKUTlGNLVfRGUEWMtQhE4W0/s1600-h/batch+4+083.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0Kig2Fky5b_E9YIjOalfLDTaOUWZ45NSqk8zapUs7zM7KJn4YUKrCY3lY-D6Z52LDszIJ00u4Ckt7pCzWqPo-eMPut0L4eYUEIeskLmQY9cp1ONgngMq9kKUTlGNLVfRGUEWMtQhE4W0/s200/batch+4+083.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5214985281362144786" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102); font-weight: bold;">Sorry I haven't updated!! I've basically been letting myself use the excuse that I have to wait to find my camera cord to upload my pictures first!! :P Well, I just moved to my summer housing. Yes, I am on my own since Saturday (5 full days after surgery) I spent Monday and part of Tuesday at the hospital, Tuesday through Wednesday with Ian at my mom's house, Thursday at my mom's (while she was gone to work and 4 kids under the age of 14 were in said house), and Friday went to my</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102); font-weight: bold;"> dad's with my sister around 5pm.<br /><br />It's a fraternity- they're letting girls live in it (along with some of the boys), for the summer. The whole summer is only $350 which is why I opted to live there. That, and I wanted to meet people. So far it's been REALLY boring... but I have a constant need to be entertained, to DO, or to be with SOMEBODY. So I have to get</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102); font-weight: bold;"> over that!<br /><br />So, I woke up groggily this morning, having gotten little sleep because I was spending whatever last moment I could with my boyfriend before he left for a week. I wandered into the bathroom in the fraternity. I was shocked, seriously. "WHAT?! Is this actually a bathroom people USE?" So, later that day, after work, I cleaned it! :P It was DISGUSTING but surprisingly didn't take long.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">Take a wild guess at which one is the "before" and "after" picture. I bet you can't do it. ;-)</span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi42VJHm7f1tQqojQ3DpsDzLPgTDZNUhcIGgZNhw9Y3WgiLeZRXEmRlZWarVtvV_gGj1j8vf9a-LBScMpn_WIBLwFMZd3lLCnSfXv7uhbAOwcx8e7QjetUzgMUJz4l5qMHrIGQ8Dbxxgw/s1600-h/batch+4+077.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi42VJHm7f1tQqojQ3DpsDzLPgTDZNUhcIGgZNhw9Y3WgiLeZRXEmRlZWarVtvV_gGj1j8vf9a-LBScMpn_WIBLwFMZd3lLCnSfXv7uhbAOwcx8e7QjetUzgMUJz4l5qMHrIGQ8Dbxxgw/s200/batch+4+077.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5214985553369058530" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102); font-weight: bold;">Anyway, so I'm doing really well!! There is not even much pain AT ALL. The monotony of my summer vacation thus</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102); font-weight: bold;"> far hurts more. Okay, I'll quit saying that :P....</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102); font-weight: bold;">But, I will admit I overestimated my ability to move around the first few days after surgery. I was surprised at how drugged up I was! They gave me oxycontin, percontin, green antibodies (clindamycin), colace (an anti-constipation medicine which I haven't been taking since I haven't had any need to, to say the least!) and suggested taking tylenol along with the oxycontin. So I was pretty darn drugged up. So drugged up, in fact, that I think this</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102); font-weight: bold;"> deserves its own post. :P So that is below, along with the SURGERY DAY post.<br /><br />My experience as a college teenage girl with a partly shaved-head and 10 stitches have actually been very .. well, uneventful. I'm not embarrassed. The only time I felt mildly potentially put-off by it was when I was meeting people at my new summer home, to which I found a way to subtly interject the fact I got surgery. Everyone greeted it with enthusiastic reception or little reaction.<br /><br />Hyah! My skin has been subjected to the sharp precision of a knife, my skull to the whirring mechanical drill, and then I have been put back together, tied off with black stitches. What do people really have to think about it anyway? So I don't care. No degree of vainness about the "shaved" spot is possessing me. In fact, I almost love it. I am constantly rubbing the shaved spot which feels intriguing with the short hair. None of my stitches are really where my hair was---just mainly very near the ear, where Ian pointed out, people DONT have hair on anyway. The only spot I have stitches on my hair is right above the earlobe. I count 3 stitches by touch and one of them is actually under hair.<br /><br />The "bump" (omigod!) is there. I discovered it on Friday night, much to my horror and then fascination. Ok, so we end up with a bump. Huh. I was not told this. Someone showed me their bump as a "terrible" thing once. But I look at MINE as a new interesting thing to show off randomly. I have a bump on my head that nobody can see but you can feel.<br /><br />So what? It is yet another testament of my body's strength to heal. I do get scared it'll rip through or something though....! It seems like the skin is awfully thin to have the device under... but no need to start building bridges that don't need to exist. I'll ask about that on Tuesday and probably amuse the staff as a result.<br /><br />I don't even try to hide my head. If I wished to do so, it's EASY to hide with my hair. But for the first few days I wore a ponytail. People say it isn't easy to notice at all, since the stitches are behind my ear. This is a picture my sweet Ian took, when he was cleaning my stitches on Day 3 after surgery. It looks like a great deal of hair is missing, but </span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnnPSK56STe6jOmBxbIBowgycesfUtlDAOYKJtXlVbwAQ8wE-CAM-lxHgJCo7lR08AjfyxufQFycpgEg07pfZrS2irv8cdwlIVwu22DjEipc4wCETg-rw-1wdrQ-y7UvzQSbPalpXevxo/s1600-h/batch+4+074.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 288px; height: 217px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnnPSK56STe6jOmBxbIBowgycesfUtlDAOYKJtXlVbwAQ8wE-CAM-lxHgJCo7lR08AjfyxufQFycpgEg07pfZrS2irv8cdwlIVwu22DjEipc4wCETg-rw-1wdrQ-y7UvzQSbPalpXevxo/s320/batch+4+074.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5214977067590751394" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102); font-weight: bold;">rest assured, it's easily hidden. It DOES seem like a lot, but how much compared to some of you, I'm not sure.<br /><br />Experience 1: Walking to the store with Ian 2 days after surgery. Nobody noticed my ear at all, even though I had my hair in a ponytail. I felt a bit "exposed"... poor me, getting surgery. I was eager to show off my "battle scars!" and also curious to conduct my own little experiment on how many people noticed. They didn't seem to! I think it's because it's BEHIND the ear and really not visible from the front at all.<br /><br />Experience 2: Standing in Seattle at nighttime, waiting for a bus to downtown on Saturday night.<br /><br />Me: (Standing)<br />Random Guy: (Smiles at me as he walks past)<br />Me: (Smiles back)<br />RG: (Walks past me, stops, comes back)<br />RG: "Hey."<br />Me: "Hi." (Out loud)<br />RG: (Shooting an look at my head) "Hey, can you talk? I mean, do you talk?"<br /><br />I can only assume he saw the stitches, or picked up on how quietly and possibly oddly I said "hi."<br /><br />Me: *gestures* Kind of. (Out loud) "Mmmm..."<br />RG: "Cool hair."<br /><br />And as I was ONLY wearing a ponytail.... I picked up on that he noticed my stitches, because he walked past and must've been looking at me from behind, before he came back with the intention to hit on me :P Thank you, nice random guy.<br /><br />RG proceeded to ask me for my phone number and then on a date, to which I laughingly replied I had a boyfriend.<br /><br />RG: "Aw man! Damn...Well.. okay."</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102); font-weight: bold;"><br /></span>*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-51398070280092315882008-06-19T03:19:00.000-07:002008-11-04T19:41:42.451-08:00Drugged<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">I'm not sleeping</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Oh no, I won't</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">I'm not sleeping</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Wide awake</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Wide awake</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Wide awake</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">I'll stay this way</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Keeping myself up<br /><br />No sleep, no sleep.<br />Can't let myself fall into it<br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Wow, the drugs kept me singing mentally a steady rhythm of this little thing I came up with above. Keeping myself up, keeping myself up, not sleeping.... Yes. I REALLY did not want to sleep even though I knew it was something good for me. It was ARTIFICIAL tiredness, which is what bothered me. The fact the drugs were making me tired sporadically! I REALLY recommend just sleeping it all off though, were it not me.. of course, I don't take my own wise advice. Sleep is GREAT though. I just know that it really helped me and it really felt like it healed me more because my body had a chance to just shut down and focus on few things.<br /><br />Goodness, though. At one point I was downright high. I was just laughing and laughing on my mom's huge bed, with Ian staring down at me before he erupted in giggles. I kept denying it until I realized it WAS true. I had been taking 3 tablets of oxycontin every 3 hours! It doesn't seem like a whole lot but believe me it is, when you're all drugged up. My head ACHED. Oh man, it did. It ached. I was just thankful my eye didn't hurt the way it did immediately after surgery.<br /><br />I tried my best not to be a whiner and to keep everyone's spirits up, including my own. So I was steadfastly smiling, but this is already my personality anyway. It's kind of "Life is an adventure to be lived and it's better lived in the best spirits because that way you can experience the most, the best."<br /><br />But there were very few moments I just wanted to be a whiner, but I wouldn't allow myself. And anyway, Ian treated me with such care that I had NO reason to need to whine. In fact, I was downright happy. He made the whole thing SO much better by being there and by showing me so much love and care. My siblings were sweet too. They made me a card and posted signs and balloons. My mom stayed overnight in the hospital and stayed the WHOLE time for the whole surgery (how sweet!!). It was really nice. She also got me a card. I had lots of calls and texts to my mom, from my friends and wonderful family.<br /><br />(A BIG mental alarm went off in my head when I remembered the warning the doctors and pamphlet gave me: Stay away from static electricity. I didn't say anything, just oohed and ahhed over the decor and then avoided the balloons to such an extent that Ian had to laugh because he observed it.)<br /><br /></span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ian disappeared the second night with a piece of gauze wrap, for a few minutes. He reappeared with a teddy bear with gauze wrapped around its head. "Bionic Bear," Ian said as he gave it to me. I seriously smiled, even though my head throbbed when I did it. It all made me want to get more surgeries just for the care factor!<br /><br />I remember getting scared though, because I was scared irrationally that Ian would leave out of nowhere, so I kept asking him not to go and I was just really drugged up at that time. Things seemed to swim around and I thought of<br /><br /></span></span></span> Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,<br />A girl with kaleidoscope eyes...... (Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds, -The Beatles)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">I hated being tired and out of it- and FEELING slow. I could feel my mental reflexes stretching painfully slow- lazily and languidly. But the pain wasn't bad at all--- but I was definitely begging for medicine at some points. When my head would start to really hurt, I'd ask Ian, "Is it time for the medicine yet?" and usually it would be about 40 minutes before it was time for the next dose so the medicine worked and wore off pretty reliably. But, after using it Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, it stopped being an effective pain-reliever. I'm not sure why. I was taking Tylenol with the painkillers, which helped a LOT. My jaw hurt to open it too wide.<br /><br />Nevertheless:<br /><br />Monday: Operation at 1pm. It took about 3-4 hours, oddly. Then I was awake 40 minutes after they let my mom in the room. I had a really nice visit with my mom and Nick, a friend of mine that came to visit. I got a PB&J sandwich but felt a bit nauseous and not hungry, so I saved it. When I did eat it a hour later, it tasted GREAT but it ached to open my mouth too wide because it makes my ear move.<br /><br />Tuesday: Left hospital at about 11am, got home about noon. Ian was there 20 minutes after I arrived home.<br /><br />Wednesday: Walked a mile with Ian, to get some Starbucks and a movie and get out of the house! That was nice! Later on, walked to the gas station for energy drinks and doughnuts at night, with a refreshing cool breeze blowing on the shaved spot on my head the whole walk. We watched a really good movie.<br /><br />Thursday: Seemed to take a turn- I was really happy about the day before. But today, I was just SO tired and kept falling asleep randomly during the day. That was when I started to get really annoyed with the medicine.<br /><br />Friday: Didn't do much- went to sleep late after playing Mario Party 7 with my sisters, laughing a LOT, concocting an apple spice drink for all of us, and then eating a cup of noodles soup while watching a movie. I sent Ian an email from my laptop at about 8am! I didn't realize it was that late that I went to sleep. Oops. Then I slept 6-7 hours although it felt much longer. I took a LONG bath, with a newspaper and ... grape juice and pistachios (along with a cup to put the shells in!!) that my sister Kayla provided for me. Kayla dutifully tried, without anyone asking her to, to make sure I was taking my medicine on top of that. Yes, it was indeed a solitary party in the tub for me!! Then, I left to my dad's with my other sister later that day. We went on a walk.<br /><br />So, I got the MOST rest when Ian was there :P I can't say thanks enough for cleaning the "sutures" and making sure I got rest and the medicines on time!! And those were the first 3 days after surgery---- I still continued to rest more than usual on Friday and Saturday though, but it wasn't really hard. You would think it would be more difficult but I've been lucky- pain management was really good and my head seems to be really healing cleanly and nicely.<br /><br />It was really good how I would be woken up, even if I was deep asleep, to take my medicines. That was part of the pain management that really, I believe, contributed to me being able to be up and about so quickly. I stayed in the hospital overnight where they woke me up to give me medicine (it was hard to sleep though, sometimes. Very uncomfortable)- and then I had someone who set alarms on his cell phone to wake me up to give me medicine. I also had a piece of paper that had all the times for medicines listed, as not to miss any and to check them off. Organization is REALLY good and benefits everybody in the long run.<br /></span></span>*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-15661385017954445102008-06-18T12:01:00.000-07:002008-11-04T19:41:42.454-08:00OPERATING ROOM<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">It wasn't as cold as they warned me it would be. It was filled with equipment which I gazed at with fascinated interest. It did creep me out the way the big doors slowly swung open automatically as two people wheeled me in. It was like being on a movie set, honestly. It didn't feel real because of the room being so big and there being people unmasked and just talking and cleaning up instead of all uniformed technicians ready to operate at the drop of a pin, as I had expected.<br /><br />Before I got to the table, I began asking them if the audiologist would be there and I wanted to tell them not to shave a lot off, but didn't ask. They actually stopped moving me for a few minutes as they tried to decode what I was saying in my quiet voice and my sloppy handwriting due to laying down.<br /><br />The bed was pushed up against a steel table. They told me to move over and I moved over, thinking it was a rather primitive way to transport me between beds, but hey, if it works, who's to complain?<br /><br />The anesthesia was pushed through the tube right into my veins....it wasn't noticeable. It was a bit cold-feeling but that was all. Then, the anesthesiologist put on the mask and I said, "Wait! Stop!"<br /><br />I wanted to ask if Tina, the audiologist, would be there to check the device was working or if ANYONE would check it before because I really don't want to get my head cracked open again if it doesn't work! For some reason, right now, after operation, I find it a silly worry. OF course they have had to check right? But at the time, I was just really worried that all that would be for nothing, all because someone assumed the implant's electrodes were functional and worked.<br /><br />But, I couldn't find simple enough words to voice, so I asked for a paper and pen. Surprisingly, they were able to extract some from someone's pocket, and then it was discovered I had to write with my left hand (not my usual hand). So I attempted to write, with an IV in my other arm, laying in an operating room with people in masks surrounding me. I could feel the bemusement. Somebody kindly held the paper for me since it was moving. But I gave up after a minute and half and just said, "Never mind" and laid back down.<br /><br />The anesthesiologist looked at me a moment. Poor guy probably thought I was going to interrupt him again. I stared straight ahead, determined not to let worries get to me and reminding myself they were professional competent staff that I trusted. I was still psyched and ready to rock n roll! I was really excited. Here I am, in the ACTUAL OPERATING ROOM. Whoo, here we go! I looked at the bright light straight ahead and the oxygen mask was put on me...... that was all I remember. I don't remember falling asleep. The IV was already hitting though when I was writing- I could feel it! It was funny because I was determined to fight it and I was winning.<br /><br />You really have to just surrender to it though. I asked them while waiting to go in the OR what happened if I woke up during the operation or if I was awake and they didn't know it--- but that obviously didn't happen. And what made it easier to accept was knowing that I had to just let go to the anesthesia. It's funny though that the last thing I was looking at was a BRIGHT WHITE LIGHT.<br /><br />It's a bit odd to me though that I really don't remember falling asleep. The bright white light, then the room I was in after surgery!</span></span> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">I wonder, how did they transport me into the different bed? I really also wish they could've taken pictures. I wonder how much blood there was, if any. I can't wait to ask the surgeon this when I see him again!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span>*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-38459106548149474622008-06-18T12:00:00.000-07:002008-11-04T19:41:42.457-08:00The Surgery!<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">The morning started off as sort of a fiasco. I was worried my surgery would be canceled, because my mom was fighting traffic after a late start from her town to my boyfriend's town. The distance between both is about a hour long! My check-in</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> time at the surgery pavilion (It sounds so fancy, "pavilion!" Like "Please head to the Surgery Pavilion, to get your head</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> drilled into, which is next to</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> the Fair Pavilion, next to the</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> clowns and merry-go-round) was for 11am.<br /><br />It was 10:40am. She was still not there. I paced, while trying to seem as though I wasn't pacing. The hospital is 30 minutes from my boyfriend's place, which I was staying at in-between moving to my summer housing and school housing,</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> because</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> my mom was gone in Vancouver, WA all weekend moving her new husband's things to her town.<br /><br />I calmly turned on my hair straightener and grabbed my hairbrush after a sleepy Ian asked if I was ready, his eyebrows</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> emphasizing the question.</span></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />I had slept VERY well. The bed was ridiculously comfortable. Its comfort was immediately noticed, even though I fought the allure of sleeping. I was too preoccupied with reading one of the Little House books (by Laura Ingalls Wilder).<br /><br />I wanted to sleep with happy thoughts in my head, undisturbed by dreams.</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> These books have always been really enjoyable to me- a time t</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">hat was much simpler and where people did what they had to do which included the barest of essentials- hunting your own meal, cooking it, sewing clothes, and buying cows for milk and butter. I</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> really wanted to post but all I would've had to say would have been, "I have surprisingly little feeling about this!" I WAS excited but also nervous... the IV? How would that go? How long would it all take? Would I get to see the operating room or be mostly out first? Will my face nerves be ok? (After I woke up, I IMMEDIATELY smiled and winked. Phew, all fine. I'd continue to do this at intervals through the whole stay.)</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">My mom</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> arrived at 10:45 and there was a</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> frantic rush to load everything into the car (including my things from the dorm! The picture is my dorm room, in the throes of being packed. Fortunately everything was in suitcases when we packed it!!)<br /><br /></span></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijG_meu2NyMzfV3PHwujtnf6A1c5DJfotoxFn2wTj-t4s-71hQY7XC6ZYQ9bdzRHVy8rf-CTBBoL9j0U03OydSUjAtgGjZsvcElU2hiK0slFwkZLPaFkuuC6CJ6f1SCzVTKNJdf8dfPgU/s1600-h/packing.JPG"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijG_meu2NyMzfV3PHwujtnf6A1c5DJfotoxFn2wTj-t4s-71hQY7XC6ZYQ9bdzRHVy8rf-CTBBoL9j0U03OydSUjAtgGjZsvcElU2hiK0slFwkZLPaFkuuC6CJ6f1SCzVTKNJdf8dfPgU/s200/packing.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5215059893314187954" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">My mom's car groaned down to the windows! I ran back into the house, turned off my straightener which I had almost forgotten was on! Pulling a brush through my hair quickly before pulling it into a ponytail, I applied some lip gloss afterwards. Then I ran!<br /><br />There was some confusion about Ian, because I had thought he would ride home with us after the surgery, but he said he would drive. So my mom and him</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> exchanged cell numbers and he withdrew into the darkness of his garage as my mom backed out into the bright sunshine of the day. He signed quickly, "I love you too! Good luck! I'll be praying for you!" I waved and happily settled back against my chair.</span></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />My mom, frantic, took the</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> wrong turn. I directed her to the highway, and then we got onto the express lane, wh</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">ich TOTALLY went past the hospital/University of WA exit. Oh no! So, she cleverly maneuvered back while dialing numbers on her cell. She got ahold of somebody who said it was fine and that the surgery would still be on. Phew! So, we parked, chatting happily. My mom looked at me and asked, "Aren't you nervous? You don't seem to have ANY opinion but I keep saying to myself, you must be!" I shrugged. "I really don't think much of it.. I'm just glad it's finally the day. I'm more nervous about the IV than the surgery itself, almost." We laughed, the sound echoing in the garage. (This was something I never heard or realized until after the surgery!!) I</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> realized I forgot my camera (an essential!!) so we headed to the car again. I grabbed my backpack and she didn't know I had "so much" which she would have to carry later (she was</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> right), so we walked 10 feet back, and I grabbed only my makeup case, my camera, and a</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> notebook.<br /><br />Finally!! We got to the actual hospital. My mom </span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">observed how fancy the lobby of the parking garage was before the elevators </span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">swept us up to the second floor.</span></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />I bounced in, my mom walking behind. We went through the preliminary questions and I got my hospital bracelet and my allergy bracelet. (I'm allergic to amoxicillin, a form of</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> penicillin. They don't use this in the operation at all, but it was a precaution.) Then we waited. It wasn't a long wait at all before they called us into the back room. It was all sterile, many rooms curtained, and I started to get a LITTLE nervous.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I had to pee in a cup, change into a hospital gown (oh so fashionable), and wait. Picture-taking occurred, much to my mom's amusement. ("My goodness, Tasha!</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> You really are silly. That camera!") The anesthesiologist came in to introduce himself, then a doctor, then a nurse. Then MORE questions by the nurse on duty. The usual: "Do you feel ok today? When was the last time you ate?" etc. They took my blood pressure, and then my temperature which was normal. My mom was surprised and said so, because I usually have a high temperature whenever medical personnel take my temperature!<br /><br />More waiting. </span></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkppQtuSFeSdk_UuCeP0rZub9GPm-35xmj1Nzw-GXKOqmB_Ix8l5lz1r6cjDEt4tECT1TVlLT4cDzciEzucEEzuMA4u2e8HeUo0CdjiI1jMA1BIW1rVBxZjGz_IyGq24HSzPu3dnqJaMM/s1600-h/needle+in+arm.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkppQtuSFeSdk_UuCeP0rZub9GPm-35xmj1Nzw-GXKOqmB_Ix8l5lz1r6cjDEt4tECT1TVlLT4cDzciEzucEEzuMA4u2e8HeUo0CdjiI1jMA1BIW1rVBxZjGz_IyGq24HSzPu3dnqJaMM/s200/needle+in+arm.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5215011589828783250" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Then, they came in with the IV supplies. I told them to do my upper arm, which I am pretty comfortable with because of giving blood. I hate the</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> thought of a needle piercing the thin skin on top of my hand or on my wrist. It makes me shudder inwardly, and it had been a source of some of my worries! So, that was a relief they did the upper arm :) My mom took my camera and began snapping pictures!</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> Thanks Mom! :D I was glad because I LOVE </span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">having</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">"pictures for posterity," as the hospital</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> staff was informed. </span></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggVyv28UXnIhsCAmtoflgJjKU2wMmrPVDKxCOI0Ahk2Icpczl2fgjfqKcidXdhMFT2Y8FPVJatCpFG-iZ9l4gwtSBOiLdcES0mXflE0qnFuDd6Ar8PxMRMZxI1PqHBW5fCUxBi4iOYyUM/s1600-h/ohp+blood.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggVyv28UXnIhsCAmtoflgJjKU2wMmrPVDKxCOI0Ahk2Icpczl2fgjfqKcidXdhMFT2Y8FPVJatCpFG-iZ9l4gwtSBOiLdcES0mXflE0qnFuDd6Ar8PxMRMZxI1PqHBW5fCUxBi4iOYyUM/s200/ohp+blood.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5215011682768210994" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I didn't even know my arm bled until I looked down, because I was too busy looking at the camera!</span></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />I began to get a bit nervous, which I was successfully concealing, until my mom caught an expression I made for a split moment and captured it forever on the camera. This is me looking.. well, nervous. "They're going to drill a hole in my head and cut my skin in a matter of MINUTES." Everybody was very nice. </span></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_6wu9mRQpTrAfvlb8A92P9velciI-kk2jrvgw0kElMBdGT5xcf8Qz846iZkDrATuWMzH0fnz6V4B9V0Upi_5rzjL6Hq4C0-V0obN0qLSCu5fsFQT_WJ9xLH30FJ74Bg_jXQ9c-I5MAtg/s1600-h/not+that+amused.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_6wu9mRQpTrAfvlb8A92P9velciI-kk2jrvgw0kElMBdGT5xcf8Qz846iZkDrATuWMzH0fnz6V4B9V0Upi_5rzjL6Hq4C0-V0obN0qLSCu5fsFQT_WJ9xLH30FJ74Bg_jXQ9c-I5MAtg/s200/not+that+amused.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5215011672872759986" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">The interpreter they had provided for me was being really silly though because she was being overly pushy and I didn't want her in the operating room or ANYWHERE near it! I was lipreading most of the dialogue between everyone or</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> preferring to use my mom, so we sent her away. She didn't seem happy at all and was really pushy about it until my mom and the nurse confronted her calmly and told her it was within my rights to not have an interpreter. I tried to ignore this ridiculous happening because after all, it was my first surgery!<br /><br />A resident doctor discovered I still had my bra on, and he asked if it had metal in it. I wasn't sure and I had my IV in and a gown on and everything!! But oddly enough I had used the bra that has a bad strap, so it was easily untied and nothing was disturbed! PROVIDENCE! Yay!<br /><br />They wheeled me away and I thought, "Time to rock n roll!"</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span></span>*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-88807880525192357382008-06-17T10:38:00.000-07:002008-11-04T19:41:42.460-08:00AHH Let Me Out Of Here!!!<strong>You would think my mom was the patient here, not me. She is dilly-dallying SO much. All I want to do is GET OUT OF HERE. It's already almost 11am, which feels late to me. I have eaten. I have sat in bed...BORED. I have even typed a blog and sent some emails!! I just want out of here... I can feel myself approaching that EDGE of grumpiness where I just want to cry and throw a tantrum if I don't get out of this blasted hospital. They are ready to let me out. My IV has been out for what seems like a hour.I have attempted to brush my hair. I have paced.<br /><br />Somebody please call my mom and tell her to LET ME OUT, SERIOUSLY.</strong><br /><br />This is me being bored to death.<br /><br />Also? I got the implant in my left ear as it turns out! So I could use my hearing aid (my ONLY one) in my right one! :D But will somebody tell me why it seems SO loud? My hearing aid is on volume 1 and I can still hear way too much.*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5768664153512473641.post-91547101412645518322008-06-17T08:06:00.000-07:002008-11-04T19:41:42.464-08:00Barefooted and Bandaged<span style="color:#000099;"><strong>Hi!</strong></span>
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<br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;">You won't guess where I'm writing this from! It is 8:07 am my time. I went in for the surgery about 1pm yesterday (Monday.)</span></strong>
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<br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;">I stayed overnight but my mom did too, so I was glad because then I at least had someone there, even if she was sleeping most of the time, haha!!</span></strong>
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<br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;">So, right now, I'm standing, barefooted, in a hospital gown. The IV tape and IV is in my right arm, but it isn't attached to anything.... I'm using the computer in my hospital room which I happily noticed had internet explorer. My mom suggested I use it, after I whined a bit just now about how TV was SOOOOO boring and about my eye. My left eye REALLY hurts, like some kind of really bad localized headache... and so does my ear, so I'm keeping my eye shut. So, even though she is probably horrified I'm using this computer, she's too tired to care and she knows what a diversion the internet is for me! :) </span></strong>
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<br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;">My bandages got changed this morning, much to my relief, because it had felt like it was draining or bleeding or SOMETHING, but the doctor said everything looked great. No drainage at all, just some swelling near my upper lobe.
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<br />And yes, there is a BIG portion of hair gone.... way more than I thought there would be. I whimpered slightly, thinking about how I had wanted to tell them to please cut as little as possible, and partly surprised at how much WAS gone. I then shrugged. What is there that I can really do about it anyway? Hopefully it gets better!! So I just have to give it some time. My hair is actually finally in a cute bandage-do. It's better than yesterday where my hair was literally sticking up EVERYWHERE. Right now, I just look like I have some 80s aerobics hairdo.... "(PUMP IT UP! Left foot up!") anyone? :D </span></strong>
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<br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;">The chunk of hair that came out came out yesterday when I was feeling my head, in front of my friend Nick and my mom. They both immediately stared at me to gauge my reaction, since I have been trying SO hard to grow my hair out after cutting it really short last year. I stared at the hair. I'll admit, part of me wanted to cry or complain, but I was MORE amused by it than upset. I sighed, hair hanging from my hand, then... "Get the camera, Mom!"</span></strong>
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<br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;">Later, I decided I wanted to keep it (I'm a silly person)... and I noticed PINK streaks in it!! I had light purple streaks in my hair for awhile and some of it (especially on the underside) hadn't come out yet but instead faded to a pretty blond and a fun pink. So... I was delighted in an odd way. "Sweet! The hair that came out has PINK in it! Hah! What a thing to show people!"</span></strong>
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<br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;">I was able to see the side of my head because I brought my camera!! I have pictures of almost everything! Including the first minute after I had my gown on, up till me standing next to this computer. My mom said repeatedly how much of a ham I was. It's true; I'll admit it! I grinned at the camera while they put the IV in. It was actually a GREAT diversion, so I'd recommend doing that for any procedure that is hard NOT to think about or notice (needles, shots, etc).</span></strong>
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<br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;">Oddly, from what I've eaten so far, the food is REALLY good! In fact, I have something called "The Great Northwest Breakfast" coming soon. </span></strong>
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<br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;"><em>"Your choice of Fluffy Scrambled Eggs, or Low Cholesterol Scrambled Eggs. Served with Bacon & Breakfast Potatoes."</em> </span></strong>
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<br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;">Yesterday, a few hours after I woke up, I had some diet pepsi (And a lot of people say that stuff is toxic because of the aspartame (artifical sweetener) in it) so I'm surprised this was an option. I also had a CRAZILY delicious peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Yum....I have a feeling I won't want to chew much, which is why I happily ordered eggs and potatoes. They're both soft! </span></strong>
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<br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;">As for the pain.... I've basically had 2 painkiller pills EVERY 4 hours and I ask for more sooner than 4 hours because the pain is ... well, painful! But it isn't HORRIBLE. I only had a blotch of blood. The nurse told my mom that some people had SO much bleeding that it'd bleed through the bandages. So I've been fortunate. But let's just say: I won't be stopping taking pain pills for awhile! The eye gets SO painful. I feel a LITTLE dizzy but not bad. I heard what sounded like loud screaming in my left ear, anytime I'd get up to walk to the bathroom and sat down. Not that bad though. It's not constant at all.</span></strong><strong><span style="color:#000099;"> </span></strong>
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<br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;">By the way: In the end, I REALLY AM glad I stayed overnight!! It's been nice. Delicious food, a bed that moves up and down, my mom nearby, and my camera if I want it. </span></strong>
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<br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;">I can't wait to go home though! I just hope it isn't stressful because there's kids at the house and it's a BIG mess since they just moved my stepdad's stuff (1500 sq feet) into a house! Mainly though, I can't wait to see everyone!! My siblings, my stepdad, my dad (hopefully), my best friend Tess, and Ian. I'm hoping to call Abby (my old best friend) at some point. I am so lucky to have so many people. :) </span></strong>
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<br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;">Pictures'n'more later! <3my>Northwest Breakfast</em> is here</span></strong>
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<br />*Tasha*http://www.blogger.com/profile/05724283252279081613noreply@blogger.com7