Pre-op was today!!
I went to a concert last night, which struck me as: This is MY LAST CONCERT BEFORE THE IMPLANT! My goodness! It was kind of an exciting thought that I kept suppressed even though I was wondering if I should be grinning inwardly as much as I was.
I'll continue this post later!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
My Titles Fail
Alright, so I picked up my ipod touch from my dad's work.
While there I figured out completely his reluctance and avoidance of any conversation about the implant surgery. He asked casually about the "hole." Get this: He thought I was going to have a HOLE in my head for the rest of my life! No wonder he didn't like the thought!! Ah, Dad, I do love you ! Aw. He did say, "Oh so the surgery doesn't make you have a hole anymore?" The keyword being ANYMORE. Did it ever leave a "hole?" I don't blame him for the misconception because I think I did sort of think that when I was younger.
I still think many people don't really "get" how it'll work and how noninvasive it will look.
So far, the ipod touch is really great! :) But funnily enough, I haven't uploaded any music on it yet! I HAVE, however, downloaded the Otter Movie (an ADORABLE short 1 minute and 24 seconds clip that never fails to make me smile).
Also? I heard just fine after my hearing aid had "warmed up" for awhile. I am just sad that I don't have a left-ear mold for the hearing aid, so that means unless I have some residual hearing left after the surgery, I won't be able to hear ANYTHING till the activation. The soonest available date for a mold to be made for the left ear was AFTER surgery, and then fast shipping would have been extra money. :( But hopefully I'll have some residual hearing?? Who knows....
Not much else to say. One more day till the pre-op, which is at 1pm....
"Every ceiling, when reached, becomes a floor, upon which one walks as a matter of course and prescriptive right." -Aldous Huxley
While there I figured out completely his reluctance and avoidance of any conversation about the implant surgery. He asked casually about the "hole." Get this: He thought I was going to have a HOLE in my head for the rest of my life! No wonder he didn't like the thought!! Ah, Dad, I do love you ! Aw. He did say, "Oh so the surgery doesn't make you have a hole anymore?" The keyword being ANYMORE. Did it ever leave a "hole?" I don't blame him for the misconception because I think I did sort of think that when I was younger.
I still think many people don't really "get" how it'll work and how noninvasive it will look.
So far, the ipod touch is really great! :) But funnily enough, I haven't uploaded any music on it yet! I HAVE, however, downloaded the Otter Movie (an ADORABLE short 1 minute and 24 seconds clip that never fails to make me smile).
Also? I heard just fine after my hearing aid had "warmed up" for awhile. I am just sad that I don't have a left-ear mold for the hearing aid, so that means unless I have some residual hearing left after the surgery, I won't be able to hear ANYTHING till the activation. The soonest available date for a mold to be made for the left ear was AFTER surgery, and then fast shipping would have been extra money. :( But hopefully I'll have some residual hearing?? Who knows....
Not much else to say. One more day till the pre-op, which is at 1pm....
"Every ceiling, when reached, becomes a floor, upon which one walks as a matter of course and prescriptive right." -Aldous Huxley
Quick Update
Good morning!
First of all, I'd like to clarify that I am NOT having second thoughts at all. :) It was just scary to see 3 "failures" all in ONE night. What are the odds?!
But there have been more wonderful stories (like the bloggers on the world wide web and the people from HearingJourney). The bad stories tend to stick to your mind more because you think, "That could happen to me... yikes." I don't want to be a statistic of CI "failure." There are a lot of scary side effects if you think about it (If you haven't gotten the CI, STOP thinking about it now!! *smile*) I know the surgeon has a face nerve monitor but it still worries me, even though my surgeon is Jay Rubenstein and has done a TON of CI surgeries.
In fact, my sweet and eager grandma did some research when I told her I was getting the CI surgery. She said, "If you get Jay Rubenstein, that's really really good!" Then she gave me a list of his credentials, which were, well, "really really good!" I have no idea how she found out who was the "best" CI surgeon in her opinion, but I wound up getting him! So I immediately recognized his name when I found out he was going to be the surgeon. That IS some reassurance at least. And it helps to have my questions answered and to meet the team, so I think I'll definitely do that on my pre-op day (Day after TOMORROW!!)
I finally remembered what I wanted to buy from the store- yarn! I plan to make use of the one day I'll be in bed to crotchet something. But if given the chance, I'll probably sit outside and talk to my mom and stepdad since I don't get to see them much, especially since I live at school over summer. :( I AM sad about that, but I wanted to stay in Seattle. I didn't feel like it was going to be much fun if I stayed in my hometown when my mom and stepdad will both be working a lot. However, I WILL be going to California with them and all the 7 kids!!! (My mom got remarried this past December and he has 6 kids. 4 are adopted and 2 are kids from his past marriage. One is autistic and one is "slow." They're great kids but it can be CRAZY with ALL of them! But as for "blood-related siblings" I only have one, my wonderful sister Tori who is 4 years and 7 months younger than me.)
That is something I've been thinking about too, by the way! The kids might not all understand or know that I'm getting surgery, and hopefully the stitches will be as small as Tom's!! (Size of his surgeon's thumbnail. Hopefully his surgeon wasn't a BIG person!! Haha)
So when I do see them again (they live with their real mother the majority of the time), I wonder if I'll calmly say, "Hey, do you guys think magnets will stick to your head?" They'll of course try and say "No!" I'll then put a magnet on my head and poof! It sticks! :P The younger ones will really get a kick out of that, and the oldest boy who is 14, probably will too! They probably won't believe it until they try for themselves!
Also, Tom, you don't have a blog, so I can't reach you! I was wondering what you meant awhile ago when you suggested I put my journey on HearingJourney. I couldn't find any specific place to put all this in! It seems like there's just areas for questions, etc, not a whole long blog!
Oddly, when I put on my hearing aid today, everything seemed TOO quiet. It made me nervous, so I changed the battery while thinking, "If the surgery works then I'll never have to buy batteries again, just pull them out of the charger!!! Yay!!" (I have spent SO much money on batteries for my hearing aid over the years.) But even after the battery was changed, it sounded too quiet. I can hear the keyboard making sounds every time I type something and the now-familiar white sound of traffic but somehow I have an odd feeling that it's quieter than it normally is. I feel a bit disturbed by this but I'm hoping it's just in my head or that my hearing aid just needs to be cleaned or repaired. And at least I can still hear many subtle sounds. Maybe I just need to give my nerves time to respond?
Well, I'm off to my dad's work to pick up my IPOD!!!! Whee! Hope you all have a great day.
First of all, I'd like to clarify that I am NOT having second thoughts at all. :) It was just scary to see 3 "failures" all in ONE night. What are the odds?!
But there have been more wonderful stories (like the bloggers on the world wide web and the people from HearingJourney). The bad stories tend to stick to your mind more because you think, "That could happen to me... yikes." I don't want to be a statistic of CI "failure." There are a lot of scary side effects if you think about it (If you haven't gotten the CI, STOP thinking about it now!! *smile*) I know the surgeon has a face nerve monitor but it still worries me, even though my surgeon is Jay Rubenstein and has done a TON of CI surgeries.
In fact, my sweet and eager grandma did some research when I told her I was getting the CI surgery. She said, "If you get Jay Rubenstein, that's really really good!" Then she gave me a list of his credentials, which were, well, "really really good!" I have no idea how she found out who was the "best" CI surgeon in her opinion, but I wound up getting him! So I immediately recognized his name when I found out he was going to be the surgeon. That IS some reassurance at least. And it helps to have my questions answered and to meet the team, so I think I'll definitely do that on my pre-op day (Day after TOMORROW!!)
I finally remembered what I wanted to buy from the store- yarn! I plan to make use of the one day I'll be in bed to crotchet something. But if given the chance, I'll probably sit outside and talk to my mom and stepdad since I don't get to see them much, especially since I live at school over summer. :( I AM sad about that, but I wanted to stay in Seattle. I didn't feel like it was going to be much fun if I stayed in my hometown when my mom and stepdad will both be working a lot. However, I WILL be going to California with them and all the 7 kids!!! (My mom got remarried this past December and he has 6 kids. 4 are adopted and 2 are kids from his past marriage. One is autistic and one is "slow." They're great kids but it can be CRAZY with ALL of them! But as for "blood-related siblings" I only have one, my wonderful sister Tori who is 4 years and 7 months younger than me.)
That is something I've been thinking about too, by the way! The kids might not all understand or know that I'm getting surgery, and hopefully the stitches will be as small as Tom's!! (Size of his surgeon's thumbnail. Hopefully his surgeon wasn't a BIG person!! Haha)
So when I do see them again (they live with their real mother the majority of the time), I wonder if I'll calmly say, "Hey, do you guys think magnets will stick to your head?" They'll of course try and say "No!" I'll then put a magnet on my head and poof! It sticks! :P The younger ones will really get a kick out of that, and the oldest boy who is 14, probably will too! They probably won't believe it until they try for themselves!
Also, Tom, you don't have a blog, so I can't reach you! I was wondering what you meant awhile ago when you suggested I put my journey on HearingJourney. I couldn't find any specific place to put all this in! It seems like there's just areas for questions, etc, not a whole long blog!
Oddly, when I put on my hearing aid today, everything seemed TOO quiet. It made me nervous, so I changed the battery while thinking, "If the surgery works then I'll never have to buy batteries again, just pull them out of the charger!!! Yay!!" (I have spent SO much money on batteries for my hearing aid over the years.) But even after the battery was changed, it sounded too quiet. I can hear the keyboard making sounds every time I type something and the now-familiar white sound of traffic but somehow I have an odd feeling that it's quieter than it normally is. I feel a bit disturbed by this but I'm hoping it's just in my head or that my hearing aid just needs to be cleaned or repaired. And at least I can still hear many subtle sounds. Maybe I just need to give my nerves time to respond?
Well, I'm off to my dad's work to pick up my IPOD!!!! Whee! Hope you all have a great day.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
I am so scared now!
---Sorry this is so long. I hope you all read it anyway.---
I went to this annual "deaf picnic" on Friday which is something the Sertoma Club has been doing for at least as long as I've been in kindergarten- perhaps even before then. But essentially, that is around at least 13 years!! So these great folks gather money or solicit donations for the delicious burgers, plethora of chips, a signing clown that makes balloon animals, and face-painting. Deaf children are shuttled from their elementary schools from as far as 40 miles away to this picnic, so they can meet other deaf children and enjoy a day in which they can communicate with EVERYONE. I went pretty consistently in elementary and junior high since they were taking the deaf children on the buses anyway, and my best friend and I were ALWAYS eager for an excuse to miss school!
The real attraction is not the food (there's never much there, despite the deliciousness!) nor the blaring fire truck, or the playground, but the singular feeling of unity.
But as I got older and changed school districts, I stopped going as consistently, but would go if reminded about it and offered a ride. So, this year, someone from elementary school brought it up and as usual, I had forgotten completely about it. Then, my best friend offered to pick me up all the way from Seattle and bring me back to her home and then drive me to the picnic the next day, since she was going anyway. I hemmed and hawed- "Are you SURE? Gas is so expensive!" and "Who will be there??" but then jumped in the shower. 40 short minutes later, she picked me up.
We stopped at Starbucks for our usual obligatory caffeine fix for our drive home.
So the next day, we got up not-so-early (10am) and got ready. I got stuck with the short end because of being the last one to get up (as usual). The shower water was COMPLETELY cold, and chilled to the bone, I jumped out of the downstairs shower and ran to her mother's shower. It was warm for about, oh, 10 seconds, taunting me with the false hope of a not HOT shower, but at least warm. Strawberry conditioner blinding me, I ran across the hall, my only goal being getting the conditioner out.
With that start, you would've thought I would be grumpy. But nope! I was amused. It really woke me up too which was a bonus. We headed to the picnic, me being her trusty "road guide" with the Mapquest print-out. After several frantic signing RIGHT before the exit ("Tess! Listen to me! I HAVE THE PRINTOUT. I am right! Now go left at the next ramp." -"What? Left?" Me: "Yes." But she didn't think it was correct for whatever reason. (This always happens with us, haha.) Then finally I just resorted to gesturing wildly with my hands on her side of the car whenever we had to turn. There is nothing quite like giving directions to some deaf people. The fact they are looking at you means they are not looking completely at the road. *Gulp* And her driving, as much as I adore my wonderful best friend, already scares me!
We arrived at the picnic, Tess making a sharp turn to fit into an amazingly small parking space that we miraculously found and this being accompanied with my closed-mouthed shrieks (so she wouldn't know I was whimpering like a puppy separated from its mother). The car stopped and she brightly said, "Well! That was fun. We're here!" I stared at her. After a moment, I could only laugh and agree we were, indeed, here.
We got out and immediately stayed together, like magnets. We have been inseparable at every picnic and this was no different. If someone can't recognize one of us, they can usually always tell who the other one is and immediately deduct who the other one with her is!
I was surprised at how QUIET it seemed. It was still noisy- kids laughing but otherwise it was ridiculously quiet compared to what it would've sounded like with THAT many "talking" people. I was surprised I even thought about it. Would I have, before? Perhaps I am more deeply ingrained with my hearing aid and the sounds it brings me than I know. I liked the fact I could talk out loud and the majority would literally not hear me, and only see my lips move. I mouth pretty well, even though I still don't know how to pronounce many words or speak as fast as I sign! So I happily grabbed the chance to practice speaking out loud.
I saw many people from elementary school and a few from junior high, as well as the various teachers and interpreters, but it was definitely apparent that soon we might not go to the picnic in future years. I graduated in 2007 but still know some kids that haven't graduated yet. But we didn't recognize the majority of the people. Tess and I separated for a brief amount of time, in which it started raining. Hard! We all ducked for cover and lamented at the bizarre June weather.
Unlike past years, I kept my eyes peeled for any cochlear implant users. Tess and I were walking and I saw an adorable little girl with an implant, sitting by herself. I wondered if she knew sign and if the implant was a factor for her sitting by herself while most other kids were with someone else. Then, I saw a boy about 5 years old with an implant from what seemed like the Cochlear company. I immediately recognize their pieces because I greatly dislike the look of the processor. He was signing and without thinking, I looked at Tess and said, "That processor! I dislike it! I'm getting a CUTE one. I wonder why he isn't TALKING? I wonder if he can talk, I wonder how he feels about having an im-" before stopping. Tess was looking at me with a bemused expression. "Never mind," I sheepishly said. I only saw about 4 kids with implants out of the perhaps 100-200 people there.
Before I knew it, everyone except a group of about 15 people had left. The people remaining were friends from elementary school and many of them knew each other from high school. (Degrees of separation, anyone? If we didn't know someone in the group, we could easily make an connection with who we BOTH knew.) We decided to go to Red Robin's and we all crammed into a long table. We were told we were violating the fire code, so some of us split up into different tables.
We were all having fun. Finally, EASY communication in a crowd, in a noisy and busy environment. Hands were flying and LOTS of laughter was reigning. Fries were being consumed at an amazing rate and we kept the waitresses busy! So we decided to drive about 25 minutes north to a friend's house to keep it going.
So, long story made short. At one point I playfully turned over my friend Blaine's silver bracelet, very reminiscent of the "security" bracelets some kids had growing up. It said "Cochlear implant. No MRI/electromagnetic." I stared at him with sheer surprise. "WHAT? You have an IMPLANT? Why don't you use it?!" Everyone else stared at me because I was so out of the loop. I guess it was common knowledge he has one.
I said, "Did you know I'm getting one in about 2 weeks?!" He stared at me and opinions erupted. I was soon surrounded by people I've known since elementary school, all telling me "DON'T GET ONE, Tasha!! Don't do it." Blaine took my hand and told me to feel that familiar place just above and behind his ear. There was a BIG lump there and by big I mean big! Then someone interjected, "Doug, show her." Doug, who I hadn't known before that day, pulled off his hat and there was a wicked-looking white curved scar that was BIG too.
I stared stoically, trying to stay calm even though I felt an emerging sense of panic. I could feel myself blinking quicker, which is something I do unconsciously when I feel like I'm losing control.
"Look, you guys got those when you guys were like, 6 or 7 right? The procedure has gotten better!! There's probably a higher rate of success too. And you two were FORCED to, by your parents. I am making this decision on my own, which already automatically makes it better."
This guy, Travis, who until then had been sitting in a comfy big armchair calmly observing, interjected. "Hey, it's her choice." Directly addressing me, he asked how much I could hear. I felt tears threaten to well up but immediately pushed them away. "I can hear the music right now, and I can hear Phil over there talking, with my hearing aid." Travis looked back at the crowd and said, "Well. She already seems to hear more than most of us do with a hearing aid and likes it. Maybe it will work. Who knows. And like I said, it's her choice." The crowd paused, and then dissipated like a slow fog, back to what they were doing.
I had been sitting on the plush carpet, so I scooted over to the armchair. Kneeling by his knee and signing low so nobody could see me, I said, "Thanks for helping me out back there." Travis looked at me. "No problem. I just hope it all works out."
Feeling a bit lonely by this time- having just "outed" myself in a sense- I grabbed my notebook and began to sketch. But 40 minutes later, the pizza arrived and everyone seemed to have forgotten about it. So it all went well until WAY later that night. It was actually probably 9 or so hours later!
Someone else found out I was getting an implant and came up to me and said, "Honey, please don't do it. I got one too, when I was 21, and it didn't work. It doesn't work. I know how you feel- I wanted to hear too, and understand speech, and all of that." I finally lost it. Hot tears spilled out of my eyes, as Blaine, Stacia, Doug, and Phil gathered around me.
Tears kept running down my face, dripping down onto the comfy carpet. I said, "But I HAVE TO. I will NEVER know if I don't try! But you guys have seriously freaked me out! Look at Doug's scar! And Blaine... and now you too, Stacia? But I HAVE to try. I want this."
Realizing how scared they had made me, they gathered even closer and apologetically comforted me. Stacia hugged me and said, "I didn't try to learn, I don't think so. And I don't think Blaine did. He was only 7 and his parents forced him to. He did go to classes and all but I don't think it was quite as motivated as you were. It's okay. If anyone can do it, you can."
I started protesting- "But what about you guys? Maybe this is why I can't find much information on people who got this surgery when they were profoundly prelingually deaf, like us. What if this doesn't work for me...? But I HAVE to try. I'm not backing out."
Visions of a future danced in my head, of cruel scalpels, even crueler scars, and cruelest of them all- trauma.
Tears kept rolling down my face. I couldn't even care about how many people were seeing me cry, when I RARELY cry. (I have cried more since March than in YEARS.) I was just seriously terrified but still determined.
Blaine gathered me up in a hug and repeated the defenses I had given him earlier that day but using them as his genuine defenses. ("I was young. You're more motivated. It's your choice. You can hear with a hearing aid. You LIKE hearing with a hearing aid." Etc...)
Somewhat calmed down, because of their somewhat change of heart, AT LEAST REGARDING ME, I let it go. I was still shaken up though, but the rest of the night was really fun.
But where am I right now in my "journey?" Well, I have the pre-op appointment Wednesday- only 3 days. Then the SURGERY Monday.
I am utterly overwhelmed. I am FINALLY afraid. I don't know who to believe anymore, including myself. I don't know if I should believe in myself. I don't know what deaf people or ANY person would label "successful." Is hearing MORE.... enough to warrant getting a hole drilled in my head? I think so, if you truly want it. And I do. But for others, perhaps it is an extreme thing to do for more hearing.
I said before that deaf culture doesn't affect me. But maybe it does, more than I know. I don't want to look into the eyes of a deaf person and say, "I think you're wrong" or wonder at the many deaf children that don't have implants, even though I will say it to them kindly.
I wholeheartedly believe that sign language and hearing can co-exist in the same child and even profit them completely. I think that to keep your child deaf when you wouldn't deny an diabetic their insulin, or an amputee a new leg if they could get it- is totally unfair. I know diabetics don't have their own culture, but that to keep a child trapped in a world of silence- a world of communication barriers- just for "culture" is SO unfair. If I was a foreign immigrant, I wouldn't refuse to teach my child English just to preserve my culture. I would accept BOTH.
A "hearing person" at the get-together said "You should wait for better technology." I stared at her and thought, "So this is what it has come down to?" My parents WANTED to wait for better technology, so I understand the argument. But if there is NO better technology promised for the next 3 or so years, then you are condemning a child to a LIFETIME of silence, when they could have it NOW. But this brings up the issue of my parents- why didn't they choose to give me it "NOW" as opposed to waiting? Was it easier to NOT subject their baby to the knife? Or was technology not all that good back then? (Blaine's lump, Doug's scar, Stacia's failure- all about 6-12 years ago)....
Is 6-12 years THAT long, considering FDA regulations and how long it takes to get past them? Not counting getting funding, research, developing the software, developing the processor..... In my opinion, it isn't TOO long, which scares me.
Have implants come that far since I was born 19 years ago? Did they seem advanced back then, or merely a dangerous thing that doctors and parents HOPED for- and it happened to work? I have so many questions now, and even less answers. Was it a guarantee back then with as good prospects as it is now??
I don't know. But what I DO know is: I'm scared. And I really don't like it. I know I will assault my surgeon with more questions than I ever had before (lumps, scars, success, classes, anyone?) But ultimately? Still going with it. I'm just even more scared now, which doesn't help. I am, interestingly enough, even more motivated. All these people saying it won't work has made me even more determined to see that this surgery will not be in vain. It may be "too late" for me but I will NEVER know until I try.
I went to this annual "deaf picnic" on Friday which is something the Sertoma Club has been doing for at least as long as I've been in kindergarten- perhaps even before then. But essentially, that is around at least 13 years!! So these great folks gather money or solicit donations for the delicious burgers, plethora of chips, a signing clown that makes balloon animals, and face-painting. Deaf children are shuttled from their elementary schools from as far as 40 miles away to this picnic, so they can meet other deaf children and enjoy a day in which they can communicate with EVERYONE. I went pretty consistently in elementary and junior high since they were taking the deaf children on the buses anyway, and my best friend and I were ALWAYS eager for an excuse to miss school!
The real attraction is not the food (there's never much there, despite the deliciousness!) nor the blaring fire truck, or the playground, but the singular feeling of unity.
But as I got older and changed school districts, I stopped going as consistently, but would go if reminded about it and offered a ride. So, this year, someone from elementary school brought it up and as usual, I had forgotten completely about it. Then, my best friend offered to pick me up all the way from Seattle and bring me back to her home and then drive me to the picnic the next day, since she was going anyway. I hemmed and hawed- "Are you SURE? Gas is so expensive!" and "Who will be there??" but then jumped in the shower. 40 short minutes later, she picked me up.
We stopped at Starbucks for our usual obligatory caffeine fix for our drive home.
So the next day, we got up not-so-early (10am) and got ready. I got stuck with the short end because of being the last one to get up (as usual). The shower water was COMPLETELY cold, and chilled to the bone, I jumped out of the downstairs shower and ran to her mother's shower. It was warm for about, oh, 10 seconds, taunting me with the false hope of a not HOT shower, but at least warm. Strawberry conditioner blinding me, I ran across the hall, my only goal being getting the conditioner out.
With that start, you would've thought I would be grumpy. But nope! I was amused. It really woke me up too which was a bonus. We headed to the picnic, me being her trusty "road guide" with the Mapquest print-out. After several frantic signing RIGHT before the exit ("Tess! Listen to me! I HAVE THE PRINTOUT. I am right! Now go left at the next ramp." -"What? Left?" Me: "Yes." But she didn't think it was correct for whatever reason. (This always happens with us, haha.) Then finally I just resorted to gesturing wildly with my hands on her side of the car whenever we had to turn. There is nothing quite like giving directions to some deaf people. The fact they are looking at you means they are not looking completely at the road. *Gulp* And her driving, as much as I adore my wonderful best friend, already scares me!
We arrived at the picnic, Tess making a sharp turn to fit into an amazingly small parking space that we miraculously found and this being accompanied with my closed-mouthed shrieks (so she wouldn't know I was whimpering like a puppy separated from its mother). The car stopped and she brightly said, "Well! That was fun. We're here!" I stared at her. After a moment, I could only laugh and agree we were, indeed, here.
We got out and immediately stayed together, like magnets. We have been inseparable at every picnic and this was no different. If someone can't recognize one of us, they can usually always tell who the other one is and immediately deduct who the other one with her is!
I was surprised at how QUIET it seemed. It was still noisy- kids laughing but otherwise it was ridiculously quiet compared to what it would've sounded like with THAT many "talking" people. I was surprised I even thought about it. Would I have, before? Perhaps I am more deeply ingrained with my hearing aid and the sounds it brings me than I know. I liked the fact I could talk out loud and the majority would literally not hear me, and only see my lips move. I mouth pretty well, even though I still don't know how to pronounce many words or speak as fast as I sign! So I happily grabbed the chance to practice speaking out loud.
I saw many people from elementary school and a few from junior high, as well as the various teachers and interpreters, but it was definitely apparent that soon we might not go to the picnic in future years. I graduated in 2007 but still know some kids that haven't graduated yet. But we didn't recognize the majority of the people. Tess and I separated for a brief amount of time, in which it started raining. Hard! We all ducked for cover and lamented at the bizarre June weather.
Unlike past years, I kept my eyes peeled for any cochlear implant users. Tess and I were walking and I saw an adorable little girl with an implant, sitting by herself. I wondered if she knew sign and if the implant was a factor for her sitting by herself while most other kids were with someone else. Then, I saw a boy about 5 years old with an implant from what seemed like the Cochlear company. I immediately recognize their pieces because I greatly dislike the look of the processor. He was signing and without thinking, I looked at Tess and said, "That processor! I dislike it! I'm getting a CUTE one. I wonder why he isn't TALKING? I wonder if he can talk, I wonder how he feels about having an im-" before stopping. Tess was looking at me with a bemused expression. "Never mind," I sheepishly said. I only saw about 4 kids with implants out of the perhaps 100-200 people there.
Before I knew it, everyone except a group of about 15 people had left. The people remaining were friends from elementary school and many of them knew each other from high school. (Degrees of separation, anyone? If we didn't know someone in the group, we could easily make an connection with who we BOTH knew.) We decided to go to Red Robin's and we all crammed into a long table. We were told we were violating the fire code, so some of us split up into different tables.
We were all having fun. Finally, EASY communication in a crowd, in a noisy and busy environment. Hands were flying and LOTS of laughter was reigning. Fries were being consumed at an amazing rate and we kept the waitresses busy! So we decided to drive about 25 minutes north to a friend's house to keep it going.
So, long story made short. At one point I playfully turned over my friend Blaine's silver bracelet, very reminiscent of the "security" bracelets some kids had growing up. It said "Cochlear implant. No MRI/electromagnetic." I stared at him with sheer surprise. "WHAT? You have an IMPLANT? Why don't you use it?!" Everyone else stared at me because I was so out of the loop. I guess it was common knowledge he has one.
I said, "Did you know I'm getting one in about 2 weeks?!" He stared at me and opinions erupted. I was soon surrounded by people I've known since elementary school, all telling me "DON'T GET ONE, Tasha!! Don't do it." Blaine took my hand and told me to feel that familiar place just above and behind his ear. There was a BIG lump there and by big I mean big! Then someone interjected, "Doug, show her." Doug, who I hadn't known before that day, pulled off his hat and there was a wicked-looking white curved scar that was BIG too.
I stared stoically, trying to stay calm even though I felt an emerging sense of panic. I could feel myself blinking quicker, which is something I do unconsciously when I feel like I'm losing control.
"Look, you guys got those when you guys were like, 6 or 7 right? The procedure has gotten better!! There's probably a higher rate of success too. And you two were FORCED to, by your parents. I am making this decision on my own, which already automatically makes it better."
This guy, Travis, who until then had been sitting in a comfy big armchair calmly observing, interjected. "Hey, it's her choice." Directly addressing me, he asked how much I could hear. I felt tears threaten to well up but immediately pushed them away. "I can hear the music right now, and I can hear Phil over there talking, with my hearing aid." Travis looked back at the crowd and said, "Well. She already seems to hear more than most of us do with a hearing aid and likes it. Maybe it will work. Who knows. And like I said, it's her choice." The crowd paused, and then dissipated like a slow fog, back to what they were doing.
I had been sitting on the plush carpet, so I scooted over to the armchair. Kneeling by his knee and signing low so nobody could see me, I said, "Thanks for helping me out back there." Travis looked at me. "No problem. I just hope it all works out."
Feeling a bit lonely by this time- having just "outed" myself in a sense- I grabbed my notebook and began to sketch. But 40 minutes later, the pizza arrived and everyone seemed to have forgotten about it. So it all went well until WAY later that night. It was actually probably 9 or so hours later!
Someone else found out I was getting an implant and came up to me and said, "Honey, please don't do it. I got one too, when I was 21, and it didn't work. It doesn't work. I know how you feel- I wanted to hear too, and understand speech, and all of that." I finally lost it. Hot tears spilled out of my eyes, as Blaine, Stacia, Doug, and Phil gathered around me.
Tears kept running down my face, dripping down onto the comfy carpet. I said, "But I HAVE TO. I will NEVER know if I don't try! But you guys have seriously freaked me out! Look at Doug's scar! And Blaine... and now you too, Stacia? But I HAVE to try. I want this."
Realizing how scared they had made me, they gathered even closer and apologetically comforted me. Stacia hugged me and said, "I didn't try to learn, I don't think so. And I don't think Blaine did. He was only 7 and his parents forced him to. He did go to classes and all but I don't think it was quite as motivated as you were. It's okay. If anyone can do it, you can."
I started protesting- "But what about you guys? Maybe this is why I can't find much information on people who got this surgery when they were profoundly prelingually deaf, like us. What if this doesn't work for me...? But I HAVE to try. I'm not backing out."
Visions of a future danced in my head, of cruel scalpels, even crueler scars, and cruelest of them all- trauma.
Tears kept rolling down my face. I couldn't even care about how many people were seeing me cry, when I RARELY cry. (I have cried more since March than in YEARS.) I was just seriously terrified but still determined.
Blaine gathered me up in a hug and repeated the defenses I had given him earlier that day but using them as his genuine defenses. ("I was young. You're more motivated. It's your choice. You can hear with a hearing aid. You LIKE hearing with a hearing aid." Etc...)
Somewhat calmed down, because of their somewhat change of heart, AT LEAST REGARDING ME, I let it go. I was still shaken up though, but the rest of the night was really fun.
But where am I right now in my "journey?" Well, I have the pre-op appointment Wednesday- only 3 days. Then the SURGERY Monday.
I am utterly overwhelmed. I am FINALLY afraid. I don't know who to believe anymore, including myself. I don't know if I should believe in myself. I don't know what deaf people or ANY person would label "successful." Is hearing MORE.... enough to warrant getting a hole drilled in my head? I think so, if you truly want it. And I do. But for others, perhaps it is an extreme thing to do for more hearing.
I said before that deaf culture doesn't affect me. But maybe it does, more than I know. I don't want to look into the eyes of a deaf person and say, "I think you're wrong" or wonder at the many deaf children that don't have implants, even though I will say it to them kindly.
I wholeheartedly believe that sign language and hearing can co-exist in the same child and even profit them completely. I think that to keep your child deaf when you wouldn't deny an diabetic their insulin, or an amputee a new leg if they could get it- is totally unfair. I know diabetics don't have their own culture, but that to keep a child trapped in a world of silence- a world of communication barriers- just for "culture" is SO unfair. If I was a foreign immigrant, I wouldn't refuse to teach my child English just to preserve my culture. I would accept BOTH.
A "hearing person" at the get-together said "You should wait for better technology." I stared at her and thought, "So this is what it has come down to?" My parents WANTED to wait for better technology, so I understand the argument. But if there is NO better technology promised for the next 3 or so years, then you are condemning a child to a LIFETIME of silence, when they could have it NOW. But this brings up the issue of my parents- why didn't they choose to give me it "NOW" as opposed to waiting? Was it easier to NOT subject their baby to the knife? Or was technology not all that good back then? (Blaine's lump, Doug's scar, Stacia's failure- all about 6-12 years ago)....
Is 6-12 years THAT long, considering FDA regulations and how long it takes to get past them? Not counting getting funding, research, developing the software, developing the processor..... In my opinion, it isn't TOO long, which scares me.
Have implants come that far since I was born 19 years ago? Did they seem advanced back then, or merely a dangerous thing that doctors and parents HOPED for- and it happened to work? I have so many questions now, and even less answers. Was it a guarantee back then with as good prospects as it is now??
I don't know. But what I DO know is: I'm scared. And I really don't like it. I know I will assault my surgeon with more questions than I ever had before (lumps, scars, success, classes, anyone?) But ultimately? Still going with it. I'm just even more scared now, which doesn't help. I am, interestingly enough, even more motivated. All these people saying it won't work has made me even more determined to see that this surgery will not be in vain. It may be "too late" for me but I will NEVER know until I try.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Sleep Well? Hardly, but amusing anyway
So, I have a long history of having nightmares or downright bizarre (but usually amusing) dreams. It's like my subconscious really likes to regurgitate little thoughts and fragments from my day and spin out a really crazy vivid dream.
I thought I'd share all of the dreams I've had about cochlear implants so far. There's only been two, but when I think about it, I think that some of the regular dreams/nightmares (after the 2nd dream about implants) have had me with a cochlear implant. (Like it's a normal thing!) So I think my mind has somewhat adjusted to that aspect of "identity change" or whatever you would call it. It's really cool, because in the dreams I remember vaguely thinking, "Huh, I have an implant in...." and then just accepting it.
So, the first dream I had was very simple. It was Activation Day! So the audiologist told me to put the processor on, and I did. But it was odd because it hurt a little. The magnet was pressed against my head SO hard that it was ridiculous! The audiologist explained that it was normal and that I wouldn't notice after awhile. The processor was numbing my head a little! I asked, "Should it really be this magnetically tight though?" Then, I just said, "I don't care though. I'm glad because I'll hear! That's what matters!" So Tina turned on the computer and I heard long beeps and the implant pressed against my head even tighter and I woke up!
The second one was about two weeks or so after this one, and it was about two days or so after I had seen this really funny zombie movie called Fido. In it, zombies come to life but are capable of being controlled by wearing a special collar. There was a character in it who actually loved his zombie, but the rest treated their zombies as pets or slaves.
So, the dream was essentially like Fido, except instead of zombies it was robots/cyborgs. More robots though. And at one point, I informed my mom, "Some people LOVE their robots. You know, like actually love them..." and my mom went, "Eww! That's so wrong! That's weird."
I could understand someone becoming attached to anything.
But then somehow it turned into being a bit offended and going, "Well, Mom, I'm a CYBORG and you aren't complaining about people loving me."
Suddenly, all the people that had been around us gathered together and others joined a big MOB formed. They started getting crazy and shouting, "She's a cyborg! Collar her! Get her under control!"
My boyfriend showed up and said this line we both think is really funny (from an anime called Fooly Cooly). "Mixing robots and cyborgs up is a common mistake."
He then calmed the crowd down and insisted it'd make a good movie, so he and I grabbed video cameras and started filming people who, in turn, started "acting." Peace and understanding prevailed. :P
Note: I posted a blog for May 29th that I hadn't gotten around to posting yet! But a question in it was: other than recording what sounds used to sound like to you and keeping a blog, what else did you do or wished you had done, BEFORE you got the implant??
And if you don't wish you had recorded what sounds used to sound like to you, is it because you easily remember what they used to sound like? And are you now forgetting and having them replaced with what you hear with the CI now?
Also, I will comment you all back! Sorry for my lateness :) I really appreciate all your input/thoughts/experiences
Edit::: July 2nd, the first full day with the implant, I had a dream while taking a nap on my couch. I dreamed essentially, that my head hurt REALLY bad due to a bag of radioactive magnets (?!) that an "evil scientist" had brought into the room. I hung it up so I would know where it was and so I could keep away from it, and then I kept thinking, "The other side of my head hurts too! The magnet in my head is REALLY reacting badly, isn't it?" I woke up and realized my right side (non-implant side) was on the couch's sharp corner and that the fan was whirring which hurt the left side thus contributing to the all-over headache and head pain! No radioactive magnets here, folks.
I thought I'd share all of the dreams I've had about cochlear implants so far. There's only been two, but when I think about it, I think that some of the regular dreams/nightmares (after the 2nd dream about implants) have had me with a cochlear implant. (Like it's a normal thing!) So I think my mind has somewhat adjusted to that aspect of "identity change" or whatever you would call it. It's really cool, because in the dreams I remember vaguely thinking, "Huh, I have an implant in...." and then just accepting it.
So, the first dream I had was very simple. It was Activation Day! So the audiologist told me to put the processor on, and I did. But it was odd because it hurt a little. The magnet was pressed against my head SO hard that it was ridiculous! The audiologist explained that it was normal and that I wouldn't notice after awhile. The processor was numbing my head a little! I asked, "Should it really be this magnetically tight though?" Then, I just said, "I don't care though. I'm glad because I'll hear! That's what matters!" So Tina turned on the computer and I heard long beeps and the implant pressed against my head even tighter and I woke up!
The second one was about two weeks or so after this one, and it was about two days or so after I had seen this really funny zombie movie called Fido. In it, zombies come to life but are capable of being controlled by wearing a special collar. There was a character in it who actually loved his zombie, but the rest treated their zombies as pets or slaves.
So, the dream was essentially like Fido, except instead of zombies it was robots/cyborgs. More robots though. And at one point, I informed my mom, "Some people LOVE their robots. You know, like actually love them..." and my mom went, "Eww! That's so wrong! That's weird."
I could understand someone becoming attached to anything.
But then somehow it turned into being a bit offended and going, "Well, Mom, I'm a CYBORG and you aren't complaining about people loving me."
Suddenly, all the people that had been around us gathered together and others joined a big MOB formed. They started getting crazy and shouting, "She's a cyborg! Collar her! Get her under control!"
My boyfriend showed up and said this line we both think is really funny (from an anime called Fooly Cooly). "Mixing robots and cyborgs up is a common mistake."
He then calmed the crowd down and insisted it'd make a good movie, so he and I grabbed video cameras and started filming people who, in turn, started "acting." Peace and understanding prevailed. :P
Note: I posted a blog for May 29th that I hadn't gotten around to posting yet! But a question in it was: other than recording what sounds used to sound like to you and keeping a blog, what else did you do or wished you had done, BEFORE you got the implant??
And if you don't wish you had recorded what sounds used to sound like to you, is it because you easily remember what they used to sound like? And are you now forgetting and having them replaced with what you hear with the CI now?
Also, I will comment you all back! Sorry for my lateness :) I really appreciate all your input/thoughts/experiences
Edit::: July 2nd, the first full day with the implant, I had a dream while taking a nap on my couch. I dreamed essentially, that my head hurt REALLY bad due to a bag of radioactive magnets (?!) that an "evil scientist" had brought into the room. I hung it up so I would know where it was and so I could keep away from it, and then I kept thinking, "The other side of my head hurts too! The magnet in my head is REALLY reacting badly, isn't it?" I woke up and realized my right side (non-implant side) was on the couch's sharp corner and that the fan was whirring which hurt the left side thus contributing to the all-over headache and head pain! No radioactive magnets here, folks.
Misconceptions, misunderstandings, and implants, oh my!
Warning: This post is really vague at best and doesn't really cover anything in specific.
I feel a bit lonely, as though I was delegated to some other world. I feel like everything lately has been a bit too repetitive. I hate mentioning the implant to people anymore, because I feel like I'm talking about it too much.
But how do I NOT? And those people SHOULD understand right? I don't know. I feel like maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and my thoughts to just this journal. I feel like I'm just scrubbing in the same corner over and over with a worn-out toothbrush.
That is to say, I feel like I'm wearing others out and possibly myself as a result. Not just with the CI but as a person, which sounds really odd to say.
I'm still excited about the implant and it still seems like SO long away to wait, and I am counting down the days.... and trying not to, because it only makes me realize I have over a week left! (But no longer 2 weeks!! :D)
Forgive me if this sounds excessively negative.
I'm trying not to get discouraged. It seems that me being deaf and getting an implant is a lot different than someone losing their hearing and getting it. Nobody, for one, would argue against THAT, now would they? I find it odd.
I was talking to a friend, Beth, from elementary school that I haven't talked to for awhile. She's hard of hearing but speaks well and can understand speech. She's been in contact with one of my best friends, who I've mentioned is deaf as well. I told Beth during a lull in conversation that I was getting a CI. I thought she would react as, "WHAT? Seriously?!" but all she said was "Really? That's awesome." Just as calm as calm could be. I thought she would have some kind of opinion on it.
I was surprised and told her so. She said, "Well I can hear so I understand why." She then asked me what I would gain from it that I wouldn't gain from a hearing aid.
I can't answer that completely right now, since you don't always know what you WILL gain from it. It can all really be a bit relative.
I told her that the doctors at least have said that I will be able to hear the sound "shh" which is a BIG improvement because I can't hear that sound, ever, right now, with a hearing aid.
She congratulated me and asked the perennial question I've been getting a lot: "Are you nervous?" I said, "Of course."
I'm just a bit sad because aside from my boyfriend, (who I feel like I am probably boring as well, at this point too) and my always-enthusiastic grandma, Beth is the only one in my life who has accepted it so easily.
There's people at school that I've told, who have been excited and thought it was great, but they aren't close to me and I think they think it'll fix "everything." Either way, those who aren't "in" it, are all for it.
My best friend seems weirded out by it. She loves me and supports me no matter what I do, but I can sense she doesn't understand it. She doesn't understand my deep affinity and should I say, need for hearing. She doesn't know what it is like to wake up to your alarm crowing crazily like a demented rooster, to hear someone you love's warm tone towards you, someone tapping their pen in an otherwise quiet lecture hall, or any of the many sounds I hear everyday. She probably HAS considered an implant, but I suspect she's discarded the concept as useless and inapplicable to her.
My mom.... she has said she supports me in whatever I do, and I genuinely believe her words in that regard. But my mom is more worried that I'll be let down that I don't think she's really been able to look it all in the face and balance it out equally. It's odd because she's usually an optimistic person but she's really treading carefully on this.
My dad.... this is the weirdest case. Anytime I mention it, he seems to get selective hearing. He tunes me out completely. The other day, we were walking down the street in an epic hunt for delicious Indian food, and I mentioned excitedly I was getting an ipod touch. He asked where from, and I told him ebay. Then he asked, "What do you need an ipod for?"
This was right after I had told him the Ipod was compatible with CIs!
Ouch. Some of the people in my life SERIOUSLY need to come to terms with the fact I am NOT just humoring myself and playing some ridiculous fraudulent game of "I can hear!"
I CAN hear.
I CAN hear with my hearing aid, and I CAN hear ipods even now. I just don't get the melody and if I don't use a hearing aid a lot of the musical quality gets lost. This will hopefully change for the better too, after the implant.
I just don't get it. And I'm really feeling a bit discouraged. I want to tune out the world, but at the same time, I really NEED people. It's been really odd.
It is laughable that someone who was born deaf has to encounter such opposition, whereas I imagine people who went deaf later in life receive little to no opposition. Am I wrong?
Maybe they're all just worried for me. Or maybe they're worried this will shatter their perceptions of me. Perhaps I'm overanalyzing this but maybe in my parents' case, this implant, if successful, will indirectly make them feel as though they made the wrong choice after all. I don't bemoan them this and would never ever suggest that, because who I am today is largely due to this.
The only way to find out about things like this is to talk to the people directly! So I might do that and see why they've been carrying such odd attitudes towards this.
In general, it's really important to be clear with everyone on the benefits it CAN offer but also to be realistic about it. What I don't like is feeling like I HAVE to justify myself lately. Why should anybody have to justify wanting to hear better?
I feel a bit lonely, as though I was delegated to some other world. I feel like everything lately has been a bit too repetitive. I hate mentioning the implant to people anymore, because I feel like I'm talking about it too much.
But how do I NOT? And those people SHOULD understand right? I don't know. I feel like maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and my thoughts to just this journal. I feel like I'm just scrubbing in the same corner over and over with a worn-out toothbrush.
That is to say, I feel like I'm wearing others out and possibly myself as a result. Not just with the CI but as a person, which sounds really odd to say.
I'm still excited about the implant and it still seems like SO long away to wait, and I am counting down the days.... and trying not to, because it only makes me realize I have over a week left! (But no longer 2 weeks!! :D)
Forgive me if this sounds excessively negative.
I'm trying not to get discouraged. It seems that me being deaf and getting an implant is a lot different than someone losing their hearing and getting it. Nobody, for one, would argue against THAT, now would they? I find it odd.
I was talking to a friend, Beth, from elementary school that I haven't talked to for awhile. She's hard of hearing but speaks well and can understand speech. She's been in contact with one of my best friends, who I've mentioned is deaf as well. I told Beth during a lull in conversation that I was getting a CI. I thought she would react as, "WHAT? Seriously?!" but all she said was "Really? That's awesome." Just as calm as calm could be. I thought she would have some kind of opinion on it.
I was surprised and told her so. She said, "Well I can hear so I understand why." She then asked me what I would gain from it that I wouldn't gain from a hearing aid.
I can't answer that completely right now, since you don't always know what you WILL gain from it. It can all really be a bit relative.
I told her that the doctors at least have said that I will be able to hear the sound "shh" which is a BIG improvement because I can't hear that sound, ever, right now, with a hearing aid.
She congratulated me and asked the perennial question I've been getting a lot: "Are you nervous?" I said, "Of course."
I'm just a bit sad because aside from my boyfriend, (who I feel like I am probably boring as well, at this point too) and my always-enthusiastic grandma, Beth is the only one in my life who has accepted it so easily.
There's people at school that I've told, who have been excited and thought it was great, but they aren't close to me and I think they think it'll fix "everything." Either way, those who aren't "in" it, are all for it.
My best friend seems weirded out by it. She loves me and supports me no matter what I do, but I can sense she doesn't understand it. She doesn't understand my deep affinity and should I say, need for hearing. She doesn't know what it is like to wake up to your alarm crowing crazily like a demented rooster, to hear someone you love's warm tone towards you, someone tapping their pen in an otherwise quiet lecture hall, or any of the many sounds I hear everyday. She probably HAS considered an implant, but I suspect she's discarded the concept as useless and inapplicable to her.
My mom.... she has said she supports me in whatever I do, and I genuinely believe her words in that regard. But my mom is more worried that I'll be let down that I don't think she's really been able to look it all in the face and balance it out equally. It's odd because she's usually an optimistic person but she's really treading carefully on this.
My dad.... this is the weirdest case. Anytime I mention it, he seems to get selective hearing. He tunes me out completely. The other day, we were walking down the street in an epic hunt for delicious Indian food, and I mentioned excitedly I was getting an ipod touch. He asked where from, and I told him ebay. Then he asked, "What do you need an ipod for?"
This was right after I had told him the Ipod was compatible with CIs!
Ouch. Some of the people in my life SERIOUSLY need to come to terms with the fact I am NOT just humoring myself and playing some ridiculous fraudulent game of "I can hear!"
I CAN hear.
I CAN hear with my hearing aid, and I CAN hear ipods even now. I just don't get the melody and if I don't use a hearing aid a lot of the musical quality gets lost. This will hopefully change for the better too, after the implant.
I just don't get it. And I'm really feeling a bit discouraged. I want to tune out the world, but at the same time, I really NEED people. It's been really odd.
It is laughable that someone who was born deaf has to encounter such opposition, whereas I imagine people who went deaf later in life receive little to no opposition. Am I wrong?
Maybe they're all just worried for me. Or maybe they're worried this will shatter their perceptions of me. Perhaps I'm overanalyzing this but maybe in my parents' case, this implant, if successful, will indirectly make them feel as though they made the wrong choice after all. I don't bemoan them this and would never ever suggest that, because who I am today is largely due to this.
The only way to find out about things like this is to talk to the people directly! So I might do that and see why they've been carrying such odd attitudes towards this.
In general, it's really important to be clear with everyone on the benefits it CAN offer but also to be realistic about it. What I don't like is feeling like I HAVE to justify myself lately. Why should anybody have to justify wanting to hear better?
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Ipods and music!
So, all my life, the only music player I've owned is a CD player that my friend Stephen gave to me after I asked to borrow it for the long bus trip up to summer camp when I was probably 14 or so. I greedily soaked up whatever sound I could get from the CD player amplified, and fell asleep listening to songs. He gave it to me after we had gotten home from summer camp and I realized I still had his CD player. He smiled and said I could keep it because he had another. I insisted he take it back but he insisted I take it. So I took it and I still have it to this day!
I haven't seen the need to spend money on any other music player, even though I don't use that CD player much. With the advent of laptops playing cds and then finally, Limewire or youtube.com, I didn't find it too necessary. I don't mind not having music playing 24.7, because for me the sound of everything else is enough.
But I have often wanted to buy an ipod just so I could have the convenience of "music on the go!" and was always waiting for some opportune time or reason to arise. And it has come!
What better way to celebrate better hearing than to be able to hear some great music?! Notably, I will not be using the ipod too much at first though, as I want to give environmental noises/voices more priority in my brain.
After a week-long search for good deals on ebay and craigslist, I eliminated many music players. I had originally wanted an IRiver Clix (from Europe and plays movies, games, and music!) but then I heard about the ipod touch. It has wifi so you can download music on the go or access the internet! I'm not a big game player, so the fact it had games wasn't a factor. But my wonderful boyfriend showed me the other day that his iphone (which is nearly identical to the itouch, except that it has phone capabilties) could stream closed-captioned lyrics IN TIME TO THE MUSIC! (Google tunewiki)
I can see how this would potentially help me and even if I can never understand speech, I've always wanted something like this! So, I was sold. My search for an Ipod touch began!
And it ended today!! I won an auction for an ipod touch. Considering that they sell for $300 or more at top retail price and $285 on discount sites, I got a great deal! It is under $200, so I'm glad. I really dislike spending more than $30 on ANYTHING though so a big part of me says, "I really must get a lot of use out of this or I'll sell it!" I am really excited though to try my new ipod!! It should be shipped by at least 2 weeks or less! Whee!
Also? It is FINALLY June!! It seemed as though it would never come. Only 10 more days until the pre-op and then 5 more days after that is the surgery!!
I haven't seen the need to spend money on any other music player, even though I don't use that CD player much. With the advent of laptops playing cds and then finally, Limewire or youtube.com, I didn't find it too necessary. I don't mind not having music playing 24.7, because for me the sound of everything else is enough.
But I have often wanted to buy an ipod just so I could have the convenience of "music on the go!" and was always waiting for some opportune time or reason to arise. And it has come!
What better way to celebrate better hearing than to be able to hear some great music?! Notably, I will not be using the ipod too much at first though, as I want to give environmental noises/voices more priority in my brain.
After a week-long search for good deals on ebay and craigslist, I eliminated many music players. I had originally wanted an IRiver Clix (from Europe and plays movies, games, and music!) but then I heard about the ipod touch. It has wifi so you can download music on the go or access the internet! I'm not a big game player, so the fact it had games wasn't a factor. But my wonderful boyfriend showed me the other day that his iphone (which is nearly identical to the itouch, except that it has phone capabilties) could stream closed-captioned lyrics IN TIME TO THE MUSIC! (Google tunewiki)
I can see how this would potentially help me and even if I can never understand speech, I've always wanted something like this! So, I was sold. My search for an Ipod touch began!
And it ended today!! I won an auction for an ipod touch. Considering that they sell for $300 or more at top retail price and $285 on discount sites, I got a great deal! It is under $200, so I'm glad. I really dislike spending more than $30 on ANYTHING though so a big part of me says, "I really must get a lot of use out of this or I'll sell it!" I am really excited though to try my new ipod!! It should be shipped by at least 2 weeks or less! Whee!
Also? It is FINALLY June!! It seemed as though it would never come. Only 10 more days until the pre-op and then 5 more days after that is the surgery!!
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