Tuesday, May 27, 2008


Regretfully, I accidentally didn't save an in-detail explanation of what happened at the "big" cochlear implant appointment. I will write it again, when I find out the date it occurred. This one was the first appointment my mom had gone to with me.

Also? I have ONLY ONE APPOINTMENT left before the actual surgery. I think it's really hitting me now! I'm pretty excited but also REALLY NERVOUS about the outcome. Right now I'm more nervous than excited. I just really do not want to be let down. I am seriously realizing how big this is now. I am getting a hole drilled IN MY HEAD. I will have this thing in my head my WHOLE LIFE, unless I get it removed.

The thing I fear the most (and still dread the most), aside from it being a total letdown, is the fact my beloved right ear, the one that has carried me through a lot of new sounds and music.... it will be destroyed and unable to hear using a hearing aid again. Even if better technology emerges, the chances are low that it'll be able to be used in my right ear. Please God, let this work. I know I've been going using only one ear with a hearing aid but this is NOT my ideal. It isn't enough.

I had wanted to get a new hearing aid mold made for my LEFT ear made before I decided if I wanted to go ahead with letting them operate on my right ear. That way, I would be able to see if I COULD live with using my left ear the rest of my life, with a hearing aid, if anything went wrong. But I'm not sure of the timeframe for how long it'd take a mold to be made.... yikes. I had an appointment made but missed it by 30 minutes due to getting on the wrong side of the street to catch the bus! I'll call the people that make the molds today and ask about how long shipping will take.

Haha, having articulated this finally, I am seriously afraid the surgeon will screw up or something. I had joked about marking my ear with "not this ear!" or "this ear!" But right now I'm pretty confident with the doctor's professionalism. He may come off as a bit cold at times, (I will have to write a post about this, by the way) but he HAS performed a LOT of surgeries. I forget the number but it's well over 100.

So, my next appointment is June 11th, which is the pre-op. I'm really disappointed that it's 2 weeks away. It seems soooo far! It'll be at 1pm till possibly 2pm. I'll meet the nurses then and meet with the surgeon for final rebriefings.They will tell me on the 11th what time to come on the 16th. All I know is I'm 3rd in that operating room.

Then my appointment to remove the stitches (pretty... I'll take pictures. Yech :P) is 6/24, which is 8 days after the surgery.


Abbie said...

Its big everything! It is a big step, big decision, big hardware :) It is a very emotional process trying to make this decision and NONE of it is spoon fed to us and easy. It would be so much easier if it was with absolute certainty that it works the same for everyone but it doesn't! Everyone has a different experience and I love reading about every single one of them.

Everything that you are feeling about the surgeon is normal, I had some scary dreams that mine handed the scalpel over to a fifth grader... :) Not the greatest dream that one should have right before surgery.

Now, you mentioned your fear of being let down. Can I ask what you are expecting from the CI? Some people want to hear environmental sounds, some want speech comprehension and some really want music. Whats your goal?

I am really enjoying reading your blog :) You have a way with words!

Ian said...

holy cow! Its June already! I still had the view in my head of the surgery being far off... Only a couple weeks! Crazy awesome! Know that you have a lot of people there for you! Love you!