Drugged

I'm not sleeping
Oh no, I won't
I'm not sleeping
Wide awake
Wide awake
Wide awake

I'll stay this way
Keeping myself up

No sleep, no sleep.
Can't let myself fall into it

Wow, the drugs kept me singing mentally a steady rhythm of this little thing I came up with above. Keeping myself up, keeping myself up, not sleeping.... Yes. I REALLY did not want to sleep even though I knew it was something good for me. It was ARTIFICIAL tiredness, which is what bothered me. The fact the drugs were making me tired sporadically! I REALLY recommend just sleeping it all off though, were it not me.. of course, I don't take my own wise advice. Sleep is GREAT though. I just know that it really helped me and it really felt like it healed me more because my body had a chance to just shut down and focus on few things.

Goodness, though. At one point I was downright high. I was just laughing and laughing on my mom's huge bed, with Ian staring down at me before he erupted in giggles. I kept denying it until I realized it WAS true. I had been taking 3 tablets of oxycontin every 3 hours! It doesn't seem like a whole lot but believe me it is, when you're all drugged up. My head ACHED. Oh man, it did. It ached. I was just thankful my eye didn't hurt the way it did immediately after surgery.

I tried my best not to be a whiner and to keep everyone's spirits up, including my own. So I was steadfastly smiling, but this is already my personality anyway. It's kind of "Life is an adventure to be lived and it's better lived in the best spirits because that way you can experience the most, the best."

But there were very few moments I just wanted to be a whiner, but I wouldn't allow myself. And anyway, Ian treated me with such care that I had NO reason to need to whine. In fact, I was downright happy. He made the whole thing SO much better by being there and by showing me so much love and care. My siblings were sweet too. They made me a card and posted signs and balloons. My mom stayed overnight in the hospital and stayed the WHOLE time for the whole surgery (how sweet!!). It was really nice. She also got me a card. I had lots of calls and texts to my mom, from my friends and wonderful family.

(A BIG mental alarm went off in my head when I remembered the warning the doctors and pamphlet gave me: Stay away from static electricity. I didn't say anything, just oohed and ahhed over the decor and then avoided the balloons to such an extent that Ian had to laugh because he observed it.)

Ian disappeared the second night with a piece of gauze wrap, for a few minutes. He reappeared with a teddy bear with gauze wrapped around its head. "Bionic Bear," Ian said as he gave it to me. I seriously smiled, even though my head throbbed when I did it. It all made me want to get more surgeries just for the care factor!

I remember getting scared though, because I was scared irrationally that Ian would leave out of nowhere, so I kept asking him not to go and I was just really drugged up at that time. Things seemed to swim around and I thought of

Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes...... (Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds, -The Beatles)

I hated being tired and out of it- and FEELING slow. I could feel my mental reflexes stretching painfully slow- lazily and languidly. But the pain wasn't bad at all--- but I was definitely begging for medicine at some points. When my head would start to really hurt, I'd ask Ian, "Is it time for the medicine yet?" and usually it would be about 40 minutes before it was time for the next dose so the medicine worked and wore off pretty reliably. But, after using it Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, it stopped being an effective pain-reliever. I'm not sure why. I was taking Tylenol with the painkillers, which helped a LOT. My jaw hurt to open it too wide.

Nevertheless:

Monday: Operation at 1pm. It took about 3-4 hours, oddly. Then I was awake 40 minutes after they let my mom in the room. I had a really nice visit with my mom and Nick, a friend of mine that came to visit. I got a PB&J sandwich but felt a bit nauseous and not hungry, so I saved it. When I did eat it a hour later, it tasted GREAT but it ached to open my mouth too wide because it makes my ear move.

Tuesday: Left hospital at about 11am, got home about noon. Ian was there 20 minutes after I arrived home.

Wednesday: Walked a mile with Ian, to get some Starbucks and a movie and get out of the house! That was nice! Later on, walked to the gas station for energy drinks and doughnuts at night, with a refreshing cool breeze blowing on the shaved spot on my head the whole walk. We watched a really good movie.

Thursday: Seemed to take a turn- I was really happy about the day before. But today, I was just SO tired and kept falling asleep randomly during the day. That was when I started to get really annoyed with the medicine.

Friday: Didn't do much- went to sleep late after playing Mario Party 7 with my sisters, laughing a LOT, concocting an apple spice drink for all of us, and then eating a cup of noodles soup while watching a movie. I sent Ian an email from my laptop at about 8am! I didn't realize it was that late that I went to sleep. Oops. Then I slept 6-7 hours although it felt much longer. I took a LONG bath, with a newspaper and ... grape juice and pistachios (along with a cup to put the shells in!!) that my sister Kayla provided for me. Kayla dutifully tried, without anyone asking her to, to make sure I was taking my medicine on top of that. Yes, it was indeed a solitary party in the tub for me!! Then, I left to my dad's with my other sister later that day. We went on a walk.

So, I got the MOST rest when Ian was there :P I can't say thanks enough for cleaning the "sutures" and making sure I got rest and the medicines on time!! And those were the first 3 days after surgery---- I still continued to rest more than usual on Friday and Saturday though, but it wasn't really hard. You would think it would be more difficult but I've been lucky- pain management was really good and my head seems to be really healing cleanly and nicely.

It was really good how I would be woken up, even if I was deep asleep, to take my medicines. That was part of the pain management that really, I believe, contributed to me being able to be up and about so quickly. I stayed in the hospital overnight where they woke me up to give me medicine (it was hard to sleep though, sometimes. Very uncomfortable)- and then I had someone who set alarms on his cell phone to wake me up to give me medicine. I also had a piece of paper that had all the times for medicines listed, as not to miss any and to check them off. Organization is REALLY good and benefits everybody in the long run.