Wednesday, June 18, 2008


It wasn't as cold as they warned me it would be. It was filled with equipment which I gazed at with fascinated interest. It did creep me out the way the big doors slowly swung open automatically as two people wheeled me in. It was like being on a movie set, honestly. It didn't feel real because of the room being so big and there being people unmasked and just talking and cleaning up instead of all uniformed technicians ready to operate at the drop of a pin, as I had expected.

Before I got to the table, I began asking them if the audiologist would be there and I wanted to tell them not to shave a lot off, but didn't ask. They actually stopped moving me for a few minutes as they tried to decode what I was saying in my quiet voice and my sloppy handwriting due to laying down.

The bed was pushed up against a steel table. They told me to move over and I moved over, thinking it was a rather primitive way to transport me between beds, but hey, if it works, who's to complain?

The anesthesia was pushed through the tube right into my wasn't noticeable. It was a bit cold-feeling but that was all. Then, the anesthesiologist put on the mask and I said, "Wait! Stop!"

I wanted to ask if Tina, the audiologist, would be there to check the device was working or if ANYONE would check it before because I really don't want to get my head cracked open again if it doesn't work! For some reason, right now, after operation, I find it a silly worry. OF course they have had to check right? But at the time, I was just really worried that all that would be for nothing, all because someone assumed the implant's electrodes were functional and worked.

But, I couldn't find simple enough words to voice, so I asked for a paper and pen. Surprisingly, they were able to extract some from someone's pocket, and then it was discovered I had to write with my left hand (not my usual hand). So I attempted to write, with an IV in my other arm, laying in an operating room with people in masks surrounding me. I could feel the bemusement. Somebody kindly held the paper for me since it was moving. But I gave up after a minute and half and just said, "Never mind" and laid back down.

The anesthesiologist looked at me a moment. Poor guy probably thought I was going to interrupt him again. I stared straight ahead, determined not to let worries get to me and reminding myself they were professional competent staff that I trusted. I was still psyched and ready to rock n roll! I was really excited. Here I am, in the ACTUAL OPERATING ROOM. Whoo, here we go! I looked at the bright light straight ahead and the oxygen mask was put on me...... that was all I remember. I don't remember falling asleep. The IV was already hitting though when I was writing- I could feel it! It was funny because I was determined to fight it and I was winning.

You really have to just surrender to it though. I asked them while waiting to go in the OR what happened if I woke up during the operation or if I was awake and they didn't know it--- but that obviously didn't happen. And what made it easier to accept was knowing that I had to just let go to the anesthesia. It's funny though that the last thing I was looking at was a BRIGHT WHITE LIGHT.

It's a bit odd to me though that I really don't remember falling asleep. The bright white light, then the room I was in after surgery!
I wonder, how did they transport me into the different bed? I really also wish they could've taken pictures. I wonder how much blood there was, if any. I can't wait to ask the surgeon this when I see him again!

No comments: