Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Cheerfully Yours

Wow. I'm just amazed I'm not stressed and that I'm actually in a really calm state of mind. I'm dealing with things as they come. My favorite uncle of all time, who has basically always been amazing, seems pretty upset with me. He told me he was totally not for the surgery. He's worried about me.

Again, it baffles me how people could be so against it. Okay, I know maybe they're thinking of it in the most technical terms or with the craziest inhibitions or ideas (a hole in the skull, a transplant from a dead person, BRAIN surgery, anyone?) but I have explained clearly to him that it's a "simple" procedure in a sense. At no point is the brain exposed or anything.

But that isn't his problem. His problem is he fears it'll destroy me if it doesn't work. He also says I've made it this far in life, successfully, without getting one, so I don't "need" one- the degree of pleading intensity with which I presented my reasons to him worried him that I was convinced I needed one. He also is doubtful of the technology and how much better it is now.

But again, we all define "work" differently. And what I want the most for everyone besides me, right now, is to just STOP worrying. I want them to know I truly care for them and that I KNOW they care for me as well. It shouldn't be this big of an issue. I think the thing is that people weren't expecting this. All they knew was I was supposedly flourishing in college and loving it (I am) but then they heard I was getting the it was out of nowhere for them.

One thing I would take back, friends, and mark my words if you're deliberating getting the surgery--- Is to truly take the time to let the ones that matter in your life know about this so they have time to adjust to the thought. For me, the case has been that the wonderful people in my life care about me to such a wild degree that they would fear for me more, perhaps more than I fear for myself.

Let people know what they need to know- TRULY explain to them... you might be surprised at the myths that arise or at their worries that you would never have expected them to possess. It seems self-evident the reasons I'm getting this- after all, there's only one thing this surgery is intended for: hearing. But a lot more people than you would expect are meeting it with such resistance that I truly believe that perhaps I didn't think about them enough. I broke the news carefully to my mother and some other people in my life after trying to think of how to say it, and they seemed to take it well, but I just kind of pitched it out of the dark to others and kind of assumed they'd just accept it.

That's one thing I would tell people getting ANY kind of surgery to NOT do. Yes, they "should" be happy for you but chances are they fear for you more. Don't feel discouraged if people seem to be showing resistance or acting like you didn't research into "other options" enough, because if you did, then you did. All it means is they care about you so deeply, so fiercely, that they want to make sure you have the best options on your plate before you start to dig in.

Something else to add: My arm hurts a LOT. I got the vaccine today, as I mentioned. But I had a bizarre dream involving crazy nurses trapping me in a dark room, and me becoming so disoriented from the shot that I got dizzy and couldn't write so when they left (locking the door!) to get somebody, I tried to climb out of a window but could barely walk. Odd, but not too bad. But then I woke up. I WAS dizzy and stumbled around my room in a frightening fog.

I'm not sure what was up with that. I no longer feel dizzy, and perhaps part of it was just all in my head, but my arm continues to hurt a lot, to where I can't lift it without it hurting A LOT. But I exclaim, "Small beans!" It would be funny if the vaccine was much more painful than the whole surgery process. I WILL get it checked out tomorrow though if the pain persists.

I roll my eyes: What's next? The fact it's almost the weekend is not any solace to me since Starbucks seems to truly love giving me the weekend shifts. But money is money and money means enjoyment of some things, to some degree! Nothing can ever beat good ol' fashioned time though, which I will hopefully be partaking in a lot after my surgery with some certain people. Whoo! And summer is here!!


Anonymous said...

Hi Tasha,

The best advice I can give you is to go into the operation expecting nothing, then anything you gain from the implant is a bonus.

Tell the people who are worried about you that if the implant works, then anything is a bonus, and if it doesn't - then you haven't lost anything.

Just sing out if you want any help or need any questions answered, and I'll do my best based on my experience. They may be different to yours as every single implant experience is a very personal thing.


David said...

Tasha, Robyn is a great friend to many of us CI people. She helped me put to rest my fears before my surgery. Take her up on her offer to "sing out" if you need help or questions answered.
Also, your Uncle's point that you have made it this far in life, successfully, without getting one, so you don't "need" one, is akin to telling a 5 year old that they have made it to 5 without school, and are doing fine so why try to be better.
In life we always want to be the best we can.
The CI is indeed a simple procedure that will give you a new performance edge in your life.
Positive thoughts being sent your way!


Val said...

My advice would be to get absolute most from your ci, have someone like a therapist help you learn to hear. Nothing makes sense just sticking it on and it might be scary if you don't have someone walking you thru the process. You'll be amazed at what all actually makes sounds...!